Back in college during the darkest times I could remember, I decided one day that's it, I'm gonna change my life. I'm gonna do what I wanna do. I made some radical choices. I moved, I changed my surroundings, I removed everyone and everything that made me unhappy. I watched the documentary "The Secret" and that changed my outlook on life forever. I plan to check it out again this weekend after 5 long years. If you have Netflix, you have to check it out! If you rather read the book, it's "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne. If you don't know what I'm talking about YouTube it.
The book is great but not as great as seeing the movie, you have to sit and watch the entire thing with an open mind. If you're not blown away, then oh well tough shit, one day it will be useful to you. If you are blown away by the amazing things you learn from both scientific facts and spiritual aspects that's only the beginning. After I watched it, I thought back to the good times, and then the bad, it became so clear that the outcomes of those times had a strong correlation to my attitude. If you're feeling kinda blah, drama is always brewing, shit isn't going the way you planned, it's time to reevaluate. Start by making a promise to yourself. You can't love anybody anybody else unless you love yourself first.
Try This Exercise: 1) Get a notebook and make 3 columns. Write down all the things you want in life, all the things you're grateful for, and all the things bringing you down. 2) Start by removing the things bringing you down, if it's not that simple, then focus on changing those things in positive ways. 3) Every time you have a negative thought, replace it with a positive one. 4) Dream, imagine, and fantasize of the things you want and all the things that you're grateful for. One by one they start happening, no joke! Positive thoughts spark possible ideas that turn into constructive actions which will take you where you want to go.
I think back to my decision to change, I don't know how I was able to do it. God was watching over me, and my attitude was "everything is going to work out just perfectly" and it did. People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. I think back to the people I was surrounded by at the time, wondering why we grew apart, but it was just that they were in my path for a reason. They helped my transition become smoother. I'll never forget that time. By God's grace I was never short of anything, and it was an amazing experience.
On most days, I'm very happy but too scared to admit it because even I know that happiness is one point between two unhappy points. When I don't get to have everything my way is when I start feeling blah, that will turn into resentment, and that begins to fester into a mixture of sadness and anger. It doesn't last long, but when it does happen, it sucks. When that happens I go back to the list...Start remembering what you're most grateful for. That's the easiest way to snap out of your self-destructive thoughts. We're only human, it happens. When I bitch about not getting to go out dancing at the club every now and again, my husband says maybe this life wasn't for me because he's a homebody. People will even say "oh you should have waited till you were older to have kids". I say FUCK that bullshit, I love my kids, but that doesn't mean I should crawl under a rock and die. Had I waited, would it be any less work? No...Do older parents have less needs? Do they still need time to themselves, time to go out, time to have fun? Of course! We all need a break from time to time. I like to have fun, I love to dance, I like having a good time. I obviously have my priorities in order else I'd be in the club every weekend. That's not even the case here. I'd just like to go out one night with my husband every 6-8 weeks. Once a month isn't too much to ask either. Unfortunately we don't have a sitter for our kids. If we got to have that balance of having date nights sometime, maybe I wouldn't miss the child-less days as much. Nothing is about to change, so do I sit here and keep bitching and complaining about the fact that I don't get to put on a sexy black dress and stilettos with my hair and makeup all sexy? No, I just focus on the positive things, the things I'm grateful for. One day at a time, one day I'll have a sitter I can really trust and rely on , and one day they're going to be grown, and I won't have anybody stopping us from doing the things we did as a single couple. It's a bitter pill to swallow. Nothing is wrong with admitting that, because feelings are real, and the next best thing you can do is move on.
Steer your mind to concentrate on what's happening now. It's best if we keep our thoughts on the present, because we're shaping the future. Nothing good ever comes from dwelling in the past. I know because I used to live there.
“For the mind is restless, turbulent, obstinate and very strong, O Krishna, and to subdue it is, it seems to me, more difficult than controlling the wind.” (Arjuna, Bhagavad-gita, 6.34)