"

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Since When Did We Start Cutting Vaginas?!

This year has been the year for the positive body image revolution. It all started with people finally realizing that what we see in mainstream media isn't real. Dove started the 2004 campaign for "Real Beauty" showcasing fuller and curvier women than what the fashion industry currently displays. Ten years later we have videos and news outlets showing outrage on before and after Photoshop-ed models and Meghan Trainor's song "All About That Bass". Shaking your ass has been around forever but then when Miley Cyrus's viral video twerking gained momentum early last year it's like everyone went mad and now I can't scroll through my FB feed without finding a twerking vine.

What's happening? Well like I explained in my post about Porn Addiction: Name Your Addiction, our brains get altered and our expectations get altered. In my most favorite sociology class Deviant Behavior I learned about how norms/taboos get formed and followed throughout a society within different cultures. We're all looking around at each other's physical expressions and behaviors and deeming what's normal and abnormal. Consumer economy driven by media outlets will cause people to grow dissatisfied with all areas of their lives and strive for the unattainable: perfection.

People are all too willing to go under the knife. Cosmetic surgery has always been on the rise, but currently trending now and very high on the rise, is the Labiaplasty. I'm rarely shocked by anything, but this is too disturbingly crazy. A little hypocritical if you ask me, because we call it female genital mutilation when tribes in Africa have a similar practice for different reasons. Is nothing sacred?

"A 2008 study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine reported that 32 per cent of women who underwent the procedure did so to correct a functional impairment; 31 per cent to correct a functional impairment and for aesthetic reasons; and 37 per cent for aesthetic reasons aloneAccording to a 2011 review, also in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, overall patient satisfaction is in the 90–95 percent range. Risks include permanent scarring, infections, bleeding, irritation, and nerve damage leading to increased or decreased sensitivity. The Observer wrote in 2011 that medical experts had "sounded the alarm" about the procedure and its soaring rates, blaming increased exposure to pornography images on the Internet. Linda Cardozo, a gynaecologist at King's College Hospital, London, told the newspaper that women were placing themselves at risk in an industry that is largely unregulated. "
This past year alone it was published that: "While the figures for labiaplasty and buttock augmentation are significant, they represent a very small portion of cosmetic procedures overall. Nevertheless, with labiaplasty procedures increasing by 44% over the course of the year, and buttock augmentation procedures increasing by 58%, there is clearly a definitive trend".



Well thanks to the internet and the age of information, we're also slowly waking up and people are doing great things to help raise awareness. Take this guy who built "The Great Wall of Vagina" for instance:



This project as well:



I have a very positive respect for my body but that didn't come until I gave birth to my kids. I still struggle with trying to lose weight, but I love every part of my body and wouldn't dream of changing it.  As always...sharing is sexy! Send this to your girlfriends, because we're all too self-conscious or scared to admit we wondered about normalcy "down there". 



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Labiaplasty

http://www.surgery.org/media/news-releases/labiaplasty-and-buttock-augmentation-show-marked-increase-in-popularity

http://www.businessinsider.com/outrage-over-calvin-kleins-plus-size-model-2014-11?

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Topic of the Week:The Viral Catcalling Video

So last week there was this video of this woman walking through NYC for 10 hours and it showed her being "catcalled" over 100 times. I think it's time I finally addressed this topic and give my absolute honest female opinion on it. It's necessary at this point that I do.

If you didn't see the video, here it is...


My opinion on this: I personally like to wear sexy/fitted/tight/stylish/unique clothing. It's an expression of my personal style and tastes and represents who I am. (There's nothing wrong with what she's wearing based on today's norms, but does it show her physique? I think we can all agree that she does.) Do I like to show skin? Yes...sometimes and to a degree. Do I get catcalled or get treated a certain way when I do? Absolutely. Do I personally like it? Most of the times yes. It depends on what's being said, and of course because it's a form of flattery. Someone gives you a compliment/insult, your ego is stroked either way. Did I ask for it? Hell no, but whether I accept it, ignore it, or whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm married in a relationship for 14 years, with two young daughters of my own and I don't feel like it's harassment when it's done. A man appreciating what he sees and saying to me "wow, beautiful..., God bless you mami, or hey sexy have a nice day" is not derogatory. Men can appreciate beauty just as we can. There's nothing wrong with appreciating a beautiful woman and her body. If anything it's a compliment. Have some men ever treated me in a disgusting manner? Absolutely, I've been called bitch, slut, hoe, etc, for not responding to them and that's fine too, I don't let it bother me because this is America and I wouldn't want to have it any other way where our personal freedoms are being infringed on, such as the Freedom of Speech. If someone were to put their hands on me, or invade my personal space, or do the stalking thing where they follow you, however that's a separate issue that needs awareness and regulation. Otherwise I am free to keep dressing the way I like, and people should be free to catcall as they like. I found this woman who sums it up perfectly. Her video is Brilliant: 






It's common sense that if you dress a certain way you will be treated a certain way. This is a no-brainer. This is not to be confused with rape culture what-so-ever. A woman is not asking for rape by dressing a certain way. I just feel that I'm not a victim when I'm being catcalled. I lived in NYC my entire life up until I was 18 years old. When I was 12 my father died, and I started walking home and taking the bus that year. My body was mature, and I dressed provocatively during my teen years; tight fitted clothing, short tight mini skirts, black stockings and calf length boots, fitted tanks, blouses, and shorts during the summers. I was 12 yrs old being catcalled regularly well until I came to FL where walking through the streets was no longer a norm and the population density was no longer within the same dynamics. Sometimes it doesn't even matter what you wear, but you're more likely to illicit a response wearing fitted clothing. Sometimes or maybe all the time we really don't care to hear how men on the street feel. But this video below says a lot, because feminists would say this woman wearing the hijab is oppressed. I'm all for feminism, women should be treated fairly, with respect and equal freedoms as men. We all should wear what we're comfortable in, but like everything in life: For every action, there is a reaction. Just deal with it or change yourself before you try to change others.



Another issue about this video is that a lot of people would like to make this about race/ethnicity, but I'm here to say absolutely not. If you were raised by wolves you will act like a wolf. It's common sense that there's moral degradation in society. That's the bigger problem outside of this "catcalling/let's get the government involved box..." Where we were sociologically 50-100 years ago, is so different than today's streets, and values. People used to have respect, and women used to be treated with respect and have ample respect for themselves as well. Go back in history and look at how women were represented in the media, compared to the objectification now and you'll see the difference. Steve Santagati makes a very good point in the video below.
Regardless of how intelligent we think we are, its human nature at the core, an animal instinct to attract, court, and procreate. Do these guys go about it wrong? Of course they do. Can they help it? Of course, I'm not saying they're wild animals with no self control, I'm saying that men are known to be assertively bold visual creatures and this is a natural behavior that's been socialized based on culture/environment. It pertains to those who are "uneducated, unwilling to learn, and who have embraced the role of ignorance, poor social skills, and crude understanding of relationship dynamics"
Amanda Seales below is asking for utopia... something that will simply never exist. Sexual harassment is a very important issue that I support to be dealt with, however someone hollaring at you on the street is harmless. The minute it becomes an altercation is when the line is crossed and a crime has been committed. She makes a very weak point about the woman in Detroit getting killed over standing up for herself, because the proposed legislation to be passed isn't about violence, it's about the freedom of speech.



http://thefreethoughtproject.com/attention-protected-americans-street-harassment/

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Are the Glory Days Over?

Happy November!!! Brrr.. it's cold out here in Orlando! Just a friendly reminder though, it's no-shave November men!!! That's right, I love me a husky beast. Okay, not the grizzly bear of men, but the beautifully crafted bearded men, with definition, with fierce manliness that can embody his face, upper body, and loins (no hairy backs, please and thanks!). If' you're not sure what's all the hairy posts are about click here. Let's not forget what it's about.

I'm happy to announce that I feel back to normal again, as I've had the most trying time in the last two months. That's what happens when you're such a Type A personality with never-ending expectations. The holidays are fast approaching, I had some much needed rest and a time out last week! I went with one of my besties to see the Enrique and Pitbull concert, had a date night with my man-candy, and celebrated Halloween with my kids. I even got into the Halloween spirit and dressed the part of Nicki Minaj. I actually had fun with it.




I used to believe that I was weak, and I can't handle life changes. Things are always changing, and I've been handling it the best I can.  I thought maybe something is wrong with me, it's always been a negative thing, people around me always saying "Stop being so sensitive... Why do you have to take everything so personally?... Why do you cry so easily?" etc. I actually just took this Highly Sensitive Test and found that I'm just super sensitive. I checked off 24/27 of the items listed and kinda feel relieved. It was like I was damned by a curse all this time. I think going-forward I can acknowledge this and take better care of myself after years of being treated like it was abnormal or wrong.

Being a highly sensitive person, I think  that when you spend a lot of time being stressed, worried, tired, and frustrated you lose sight of what happiness really is. We all thrive on routine. The extrovert in me loves spontaneity but I'm much better if I keep that for my impulse driven days.  I go back now and read my post last month; Happily Ever After? and think how different I feel right now. I often get conflicted between trying to be the good mother and wife and asking myself; "what does Michelle need right now?". It's easy to lose your enthusiasm, your drive, your ability to sustain a cheerful attitude and demeanor. While I was going through bouts of anger and losing my patience the girls were running around laughing, giggling, and generally having fun. I looked at them and thought, wow, what it must be like to be a child... care-free.

However this past week I was on cloud nine, back to my routine of singing and dancing. One day after school I was singing in the car as usual, but this time it was my daughter's favorite song and she stopped me to say "mom why are you singing?" I said "I like this song and I loved to sing since I was your age." She thought for a second and there it was..."but you're a grown-up now"....I said "well just because I'm a grown-up now, it doesn't mean I can't like the same things I did as when I was a kid". Some nerve of this kid... but was she right? Are the glory days over??

When I'm stuck in a rut for a while, and I finally make the effort to have fun, I feel myself come back.  It's always been that way. As a highly sensitive person, I'm in-tuned to what I'm feeling, and what I need to be re-centered and refocused. Most times, it's alone time, time to do my hobbies, a night out to the club, pure stupid senseless fun, a game, laughter, time to upkeep my beauty regimen, and time to unwind, a nap, soaking in the bathtub, or simply quiet time in the grocery store alone, a visit to the library, or time outside in nature. If you go through too much time not doing the things you need to re-balance your spirit you will burn out, and become depressed or have anxiety or simply become the thing you never wanted to be; The Complainer a.k.a.The Insatiable Bitch.
I end up feeling like a kid who was never ready to grow up a lot of times. That maybe this life isn't for me, I'm not ready for it. One friend said maybe I should've waited till I was older to start a family, and I always say NO, I would be feeling the same way ten years from now because it's true. I want my pie and to eat it too. I read this article and it finally dawned on me that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. There are 4 phases of a woman's life, and I encompass all four of them. That is how I'm able to function as a young, mature, but wise and sexual being.. This is a must read for women. Single, married, SAHM, working mom, all alike.  Please leave your comments on the article below. 





If you're a sensitive person or know one, these articles might be helpful:

Why Being Sensitive Could Be Your Greatest Gift

16 Habits Of Highly Sensitive People

10 Important Reasons to Start Making Time for Silence, Rest and Solitude

5 Reasons You Need to Play More

The Glory Days are far from over. Not if I have anything to do with it.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Happily Ever After?

When I was a little girl, I thought my dream was to meet Prince Charming and get married and ride off into the sunset. I went to all my cousins' weddings dreaming of my own since they were in their early to mid-20's when I was about to hit my teens. They all started having beautiful babies and my brother and I being the youngest cousins around would always be so excited to play with them. Naturally, I was already a rebel and in the quest to grow up fast. By the time I was 15, I already had my whole future mapped out.

Logically, I understand that in the material world we're living in, we get what we want, and then we don't want it anymore, because everything in life is temporary. The cycle continues and it's time to want for something else.

Sometimes I'm not sure what I want anymore. I don't want anything, and I want everything. 
The last 6-8 weeks have been so stressful. Since my husband last left to his business trip in end of August for three days, I was dreading this week long conference he's been at. There were a bunch of things I had already made commitments to doing and even when it seemed impossible I still pulled through. My husband has been working nonstop. Evenings, nights, and weekends weren't spared on this very big important project. The deadline was fast approaching and he had no choice but to keep working around the clock. As you might know, any uproar in your home, positive, negative or neutral will throw your family's dynamic off. It could be the holidays, kids getting sick, house guests, monkey wrenches thrown in your plans, a vacation, back to back events, etc. Time is always running out and there's always so much to get done on top of those things.

A midst our strained family life that's when we had a sick family member, and then my grandpa was on life support. After my grandpa was taken off life support he lived through it. We all thought it was really the end. He was moved to hospice and since then we've all been waiting for the final word to prepare for the inevitable funeral arrangements as he's just slowly deteriorating. I had a religious function already planned before all this since July and I feel like it was a test of my faith whether to persevere or cancel. I would've liked to cancel, but that was easy street. If my grandpa had passed before my event or the day of, it would've been like all my hard work of week long physical, mental, and emotional energy and efforts would have been wasted. It was a test of my determination, devotion, and strength. The lesson was to be devoted to spiritual advancement regardless of whether or not your efforts will be futile. Strive. Persevere. Be Thankful.

I've been struggling to be positive. I'm running around taking care of the kids, trying to stay on top of the housework, the laundry, the cooking, and then we're not spending quality time together as a family, so that's causing me to pick up the slack with the kids. To spend more time with them because they want to be with their Dad who can't give them more than a few mins here and there is more than exhausting for me. I find myself getting angry more often. We had a big fight a few weeks back. Hurtful words were said. The kids, are misbehaving more, demanding more. Motherhood is hard. I've always been content with life, and been extremely grateful, but these past weeks I feel burned out and I question the decisions I made in life. At the end of every one of their meltdowns or my own, I walk slowly through hell asking;  Do I love my kids? Absolutely. Should I have ever had children? No. Would I have done everything the same exact way knowing and going through everything up to this very point? No. 

I guess that's what happens when you put people under fire, and under pressure. They explode, they lash out at you, they ask why? They blame themselves, they feel horrible about themselves, they feel like they've failed, then they question if they should have made a better choice that would've avoided the current woes they're going through, and then...? It's a process. What you do next is what matters. This was a test of my marriage because these type of life pressures will either make two people grow closer, or break two people apart. This was a test of motherhood, because I'm given the choice to keep trying my best and giving my all to these girls even when every fiber of my being really wants to run and my spirit is broken.

Ask me the same questions above next week, or next month during the Holidays when things have returned to my sense of normal. Ask me the same questions when my husband will be free and back to spending quality time with us and I am getting the much needed breaks I deserve. Do you ever ask why when you're having fun?

Some may think it's being "needy" or "clingy" to want your family together and spending lots of quality time together, as one of my friends sometimes sarcastically asks me "what is enough time together for you? My question to you is; What is happiness? What makes a great relationship? Can you ever have too much Love?

I read Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist", and it was an amazing story. Some people will read it and think "WTF?" because the book got a lot of hype. I was taken back at first. I finished the book this week, and it couldn't have been completed at a better time. I learned the lessons I was being tested on. I was so focused on the goal, I didn't realize the journey is just as important or maybe even more important. I'm praying for patience.

If you find this magic, maybe "The Alchemist" might be for you. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Topic of the Week: Sex Starvation

I've been reading all these articles recently on sex. I wasn't looking for them, they just came up out of no where. I couldn't decipher between the best one to share because they were all equally good. This is a topic I can only speak for myself. From talking to others and reading about people's experiences I infer that women are not getting enough sex, or perhaps they're not getting enough good sex to be motivated to want it 24/7 like men are stereo-typically thought to. Desire is lacking today after the "I Do's". It was there before the wedding and the kids, but got lost somewhere after.

What do I consider "good sex"? Well, I'd say the kind where you both can't get up right away because you're so spent and blown away by what just took place and your climax left you feeling like you could fall asleep immediately if not putting you on a whole other level of relaxation. You can't help but smile all day, you spend the day reflecting and replaying it over and over in your mind while feeling the desire build up again.



What's the problem with desire? Well from what I'm gathering it's; busy schedules, kids, kids in the bed, self-conscious body image related thoughts, the lack of sleep, communication, and compromises, being tired, feelings of ambivalence towards a mate you've been arguing with, unresolved conflicts, stress, feeling bloated, finances, etc. Do those things happen on my end? Of course we experience those things. The difference is that we don't make sex a chore, it's a fun spontaneous thing you look forward to, and do to reconnect and relax. Intimacy is important and healthy for you as an individual. While intimacy doesn't always mean sex, they both go hand in hand. Sex isn't the only thing there is in life, it's not the most important thing, but it is a very essential part of living a healthy and happy life.

Posted by a man of course, lol, and OK maybe a
little extreme, but could there be some truth in a lesser degree? 
After nearly 14 years together, 6 of 'em married and two kids, things haven't simmered down. They've heated up and are left boiling on the stove sometimes overflowing. One friend said I'm a natural whore, maybe so, but there's nothing wrong with having a big appetite sexually. I have a fiery personality and a very passionate disposition. The sensual physicality of it is how I am able to express myself, and feel balanced. Another friend who got married recently asked me "so how many times do you guys have sex now?" I was very honest, I can't say its definitely 3-5x a week, sometimes its once a week, sometimes its 3-4x a day, sometimes its a whole week, sometimes I service him, or he services me. Sometimes it's none!

People like numbers. We can draw conclusions about what we can see and quantify.  The truth is, it's not about how much, it's about quality, intimacy, intensity, and most of all it's about the desire.


Sometimes you can't get your hands off each other, sometimes you're bored, sometimes you're hugging each other and having pillow-talk and it becomes a sensual passionate thing, sometimes its animal-like, lusty, hungry, and needy, sometimes it's to workout anger and frustration after a long day, sometimes it's to just look into each other's eyes and be one and make that person feel how much you adore them. Whatever the reason it's never a good idea to close yourself to your spouse when they need you the most.

Sexuality is artistic, it's creative, it's unique each time, it's healing emotionally, and spiritually, not just a mental and physical expression. 

So after a long day, it's important to reconnect. Even if you're tired, you owe it to yourself and your partner to be present, to be available. Does this mean the responsibility of it falls on women? Of course it does. If he's seeking you out, don't turn him down. I mean how many times can a person keep saying "No" a week? A month? If you're sick or something that's one thing, and if he's abusing your limits every week then that's another story. However, a hardworking faithful husband, wonderful father, and best friend should be taken cared of sexually. Love is not selfish. Be a Giver. See: Givers vs. Takers vs. Matchers

3 Valid Points I've Gathered

1) The more you give, the more you get. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone, released when we physically engage with others through hugs, kisses, orgasms, and even during breastfeeding. Men are less likely to cheat with higher levels of Oxytocin. The more they love, and receive platonic affection, the higher their oxytocin levels. However, orgasms isn't enough to keep levels of Oxytocin high. It rises and falls afterwards. Single ladies: don't give up the cookie until you've created this lasting bond.

2) Don't get stuck in the same old boring routine.  Being comfortable is great, but like all things in life: everything only in moderation. Don't get too comfortable wearing those sweats and tees, it's habit-forming. Men appreciate beauty just like we do. Don't let yourself go and make the kids be everything. Check this Tinder date conversation out between Derek & Jules. It starts off sweet but then says a lot. --->




3) When he committed his entire life to you, and you don't give the pussy up it's like bait and switch tactics. Mean, unfair, and cruel. A sure way to build up resentment. So live and let live. There's always something new to learn. Try to be open minded.


       [Lol I love Ari...]
The brain needs the heart, the heart needs the blood, the blood needs nutrients. Vitality is interconnected. Individuals and relationships need all the components to thrive. They're dependent on each other. 

Where is sex on your priority list?

 Juicy Stuff: 














Wednesday, October 1, 2014

When Love Starts to Hurt: Domestic Violence

There are countless ways to abuse a person. Emotionally/mentally, physically, sexually...We all hear the stories daily. At this point I think it's become somewhat normal. Something people see and don't think much about because there's so much of it, we're desensitized, until it hits close to home or the story is disturbing enough. I've seen and heard of domestic violence during different times of my life and to me it's all the same, just different people. It always hits close to home.

Imagine you fall in love, it's the most beautiful thing, you're sharing the most intimate parts of yourself with someone special, you're vulnerable, you're excited, and suddenly you're scared. You're hoping that it's just this once, but then it happens again... and again. He's sorry I'm sure he is, but promises get broken, and your dreams and spirit get broken and you're stuck in a never-ending cycle. You're trapped, emotionally and physically. Mentally you're in a tired fog, unmotivated and unsure what to do. There's children involved, there are bills, legal entanglements, there's a financial burden and entrapment, there's the lack of support, and the minuscule day to day tasks feel insurmountable. You're essentially all alone, and you've got little ones to take care of. Fear alone is enough to keep you where you are. Acceptance will soon crawl in. This is the realities women are living. At some point the will to survive will be questioned.

A friend from High School has been going through domestic violence for the last 12 years in silence. She has decided to take a stand and fight back breaking that silence and she's doing so courageously. She's a SAHM working on her own business designing and crafting cosmetic bags, zip bags, monogram gift bags, clutches, and various cases/covers for electronic devices. I know her personally and I vouch for her work. There's a problem though. Walking away isn't so simple or without hardships. She's got three beautiful little girls depending on her.

That's why today I'm asking you all, SAHMs, friends, G+ communities, please donate to her cause and share this if you care. Helping spread the word will get her closer to her goals. Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, income, or other factors.

Please donate whatever you can. Every $1.00 counts. If I am able to get at least $1.00 from every 100 readers, that $100 would at least help her with her rent, utilities, or her business expenses. If you are able to donate more, she will send you one of her special tokens of appreciation bags.

Click Here to Donate Now!

If you'd like to see some of her bags and would rather show support by making a purchase:

Websitehttp://SandraSmithNYC.com                                                                                             
FB Pagehttps://www.facebook.com/SandraSmithHandmade  

Domestic Abuse Facts:

The Victims

  • 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
  • Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.
  • Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men
  • Women ages 20 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
  • Every year, 1 in 3 women who is a victim of homicide is murdered by her current or former partner

The Families

  • Every year, more than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes.
  • Children who live in homes where there is domestic violence also suffer abuse or neglect at high rates (30% to 60%).
  • A 2005 Michigan study found that children exposed to domestic violence at home are more likely to have health problems, including becoming sick more often, having frequent headaches or stomachaches, and being more tired and lethargic.
  • A 2003 study found that children are more likely to intervene when they witness severe violence against a parent – which can place a child at great risk for injury or even death.

The Circumstances

  • Domestic violence is most likely to occur between 6 pm and 6 am.
  • More than 60% of domestic violence incidents happen at home.

The Consequences

  • According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families.
  • In New York City, 25% of homeless heads of household became homeless due to domestic violence.
  • Survivors of domestic violence face high rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks, and other emotional distress.
  • Domestic violence contributes to poor health for many survivors.  For example, chronic conditions like heart disease or gastrointestinal disorders can become more serious due to domestic violence. 
  • Among women brought to emergency rooms due to domestic violence, most were socially isolated and had fewer social and financial resources than other women not injured because of domestic violence.
  • Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse as teens and adults.
  • Without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of violence in the next generation.
  • Domestic violence costs more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work, medical and mental health treatment, and lost productivity at companies.

#1 FACT:

Most domestic violence incidents are never reported.
Help change the facts. Speak up, speak out, and make a difference for victims of domestic violence.

How to Make a Difference

Give victims of domestic violence the support they deserve.

Resources:
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-7233   

http://www.safehorizon.org/page/domestic-violence-statistics--facts-52.html

http://www.refuge.org.uk/ 

http://www.clicktoempower.org/financial-tools

http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/facts.htm

http://www.ncadv.org/protectyourself/GettingHelp.php 

http://www.womenlawyers.com/domestic.htm

Understanding the Signs: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

NYC Victim Resources: http://manhattanda.org/resources-victims-domestic-violence

Related VIDEO:One photo a day in the worst year of my life: The only words you see are at the end of the video, in Croatian: “Help me, I don’t know if I will make it until tomorrow.” 


Related VIDEO: #dontcoveritup



Related VIDEO: Children Removed from Abusive Homes

This will break your heart...


Thanks for your kindness and consideration in advance <3

Thursday, September 25, 2014

10 Banned Foods That Every American Should Stop Eating!

Are you eating food that's already banned in other countries but is still allowed to poison and kill Americans? Learn about these pernicious ingredients and common foods through this infographic. 
10 Banned Foods to Avoid

Monday, September 15, 2014

Imminent Death

This is my motto.
I had this great article I was working on about sex and relationships. It was pretty juicy, but then I heard my grandpa was in the hospital again, this time on life support and it kinda killed my vibe. I couldn't finish the article. I will probably get to it next week as I'm waiting here on pins and needles to hear of the finality of his life. At ninety-one years old my grandpa has lived a very long and full life. It's not sad that he will pass on, because it's better than being weak, and fragile, and a burden; unable to do things for yourself. He never had any known sicknesses to speak of, just the normal things that come with old age. That's just life. 

It came to me as a surprise even though we all knew this day would come. My grandparents were a big part of me and my brother's life. They were a very big part of the first 18 years of my life, and lived with us for several years. They shaped us. After grandma passed, it was like the piece of thread keeping the family together was cut. Strained relationships have occurred like most families, and the last 10-11 years I spent apart from everyone. I last saw my grandpa in the hospital with sound mind and body couple months ago, and it was such a pleasure to visit with him. I don't have any regrets, I kept in touch with grandpa as best as I could, with the annual Christmas photo cards I send all my distant family and friends, and random calls here and there over the years. I was glad for my girls to meet him and he adored them. Memories of my grandpa will always be with us but for some reason I still feel sad thinking of his imminent death. Part of it triggers anxiety and the other part just feels surreal. I pray for his soul to be liberated and feel gratitude for the opportunity to know him as well as I did. 


It was my grandparents who inspired me to start this blog. To learn the lessons they were trying to teach and share bits of wisdom. I also wanted to learn as much as I could about holistic medicine and share the vital pieces of basic nutrition that I felt could have given my dad and grandma a few more extra years had we been knowledgeable enough. They used to preach a lot to me during my teen years. Of course in hindsight, I should have listened more and learned more, but back then they were just two old people bothering me and making me lose sleep. Things your grandparents say go in one ear and out the other. Now I sometimes sit and recall how many things they were right about. My grandpa's mantra was always "Prevention is Better than Cure", and  he could talk for days on end about the age of Kali Yuga, and spirituality. On my own journey to find self-realization, it was his talks that would fill in the missing pieces of the "moksha" puzzle. I was very blunt with my grandparents many times, asking presumptuous questions about their life together. They both would give in to all of our whims, try to save us from my mom's wrath, make sweet treats that would be waiting for us when we came home from school, enrich us with stories, humor, and enrage us at times with their rules. 

When it came to us being lazy, Grandpa would always say "What you must do tomorrow, do it today", and that would always make us say "ughhhh, I know I know, stop sayin' that!!" This quote reminds me of that: 




He wasn't always an easy old man to deal with though, he was mostly harsh with a smart mouth and sometimes grouchy. You had to have patience and tolerance to deal with him. My grandma was kind, patient, and tolerant. A thought that makes me happy is thinking about the possibility of Grandma and Grandpa being together again in whatever spiritual world they go to. They were the picture of relationship goals.

Hopefully we can all grow, be kinder and learn to be tolerant of each other. That's what takes real strength.




Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The Things We FEAR

I think about the past, live in the present, but look forward to the future. I reminisce about the past because it reminds me of a blissful time when I was wild and free. Free from responsibilities, and free to live a care-free life. I live in the present because I'm humble, I know how precious every moment is and remember that it doesn't last forever. I look forward to the future because it's when I would've accomplished my goals, dreams, or reached the next milestone, but I FEAR... 

I've seen about five videos recently on roller-coaster malfunctions. I've only been on one roller-coaster ride and I'm so scared. I don't know why the hell I freak out. I'm always the one stuck holding people's shit while they go on all those crazy rides  I have a fear of heights... but then again I'm scared of everything. Sometimes my husband and I would be talking about something, anything, and eventually somewhere along that conversation I end up saying "nah I'm scared of that shit". His sarcastic response is always the same: "what aren't you afraid of?" Honestly I don't know.

I used to watch horror movies and love em. After I had my first child, I couldn't handle a paranormal movie. I can watch people getting hacked up, ripped apart, all that gore as long as it's a movie, not real life, but tell me something spiritual and I get a shiver up my spine.

What am I scared of? 

I'm scared of heights. 
I'm scared of bugs. 
I'm scared of diseases. 
I'm scared of vaccinations, even though I've succumbed to the pressures of the pediatrician and let my kids get em. 
I'm scared of drowning.
I'm scared of dark waters, I'd never put my foot in a lake that's dark.
I'm scared of car accidents.
I'm scared of car accidents in the water.
I'm scared of rejection. 
I'm scared of all the bad things that could happen to myself or my family.
I'm scared of dying. 
I'm scared of creepy sounds. 
I'm scared of getting my heart broken.
I'm scared of transitions. 
I'm scared of getting old, fragile, or weak.
I'm scared of failure.
I'm scared of total darkness.
I'm scared of loss.
I'm scared of small spaces.
I'm scared of pain.
I'm scared of sleeping alone.
I'm scared of things being too good to be true. 

Having just typed all this out knowing there's probably still some things missing from this very long list, a few things are pretty clear:

Damn...I turned into one big pussy [pun intended], I'm not who I used to be and all those things are out of my control. I gotta stop wondering/worrying about the unknown because thoughts become reality through the law of attraction. Acknowledging this makes me feel better and every time a fear starts to come up I will deal with it differently because I have not only listed them, but realized how ridiculous they might be, or that however genuine they are, it's in God's hands.


The power of thoughts however is pretty strong. Everybody can benefit from this knowledge: 






















So what are your fears? How do you conquer your fears?

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Recipe for Life Happiness & Wellness


Earlier last week I spoke about my inability to accept things I can't change. Coping with stress is what I'm always learning to do because if I didn't I wouldn't be able to function or get back to being content and happy. Some people can be upset about something, and just get over it, given time. I'm not one of those people and if you aren't either then you especially need to work through your problems as they come up. Don't let things pile up. That shit builds up into serious hostility, aggression, and a negative chain of events.  I'll go through it like everybody else except I do something about it. I do an array of things when I'm stressed. The first thing I do is: Sleep. I have to fuckin' escape. Ever since I was a kid, if I was in trouble which was quite a lot, I would just go to sleep. Run far from the situation, and rest up. If I had a conflict I face them head on. I'll confront people, settle it, and then go into a deep slumber. It's how I always have dealt with my problems, but as problems gradually became a fact of life, it beat me down at one point, where I became depressed.

Everybody is going through their own crap. For whatever ails your mind, body, or soul, this is the recipe for wellness. Whatever is wrong can be reversed or improved. Western medicine focuses solely on prescriptions. We don't have faith anymore, not in God nor our bodies, or ourselves. If something is wrong with us, in a fit of desperation we run online to find a product that will miraculously cure us. I'm guilty of it myself. After going through bouts of hair loss steadily for almost a full year, I spent hours and hours reading and learning about different products and what people said about it. Products do help, I'm not saying they don't, but we need find a middle ground where we believe in ourselves and nurture our bodies. We should take good care of ourselves, the way we would nurture our children keeping a keen eye to when is nap time and when the next feeding is. We know when they need to be mentally stimulated and when they need to
be held, given tough love, etc.

Now in hindsight being past that phase for now, I realized that you can buy any bottle promising happiness and success but it's all an illusion. You've got to fix anything wrong from the source. No matter what's wrong with you, no matter what happens in your life. This is the recipe to Wellness and Recovery... To Life and Happiness .

Overall Wellness Recipe

Ingredients:
  1. Nutrition- cut out everything that comes from a drive-thru window, cardboard box, and eat only wholesome foods. If there's an ingredient you can't pronounce or recognize, you shouldn't eat it, like some shit that says azodicarbonamide. Seek out only single ingredient foods/home-cooked meals. Alkalize your diet. Seek out a naturopath if you feel that you may have allergies
  2. Sleep- 8-9 hours every night on schedule 
  3. Reduction of Stress- remove yourself from toxic people/situations, re-examine your surroundings at home/city, move closer to your job, take up yoga, hot baths, massages, laughter, whatever to get you in a de-stressed state. Talk about your problems, seek out support, and ask for help. 
  4. Exercise- 30 mins a day 3-5 times a week. Do what you can to the best of your ability, nobody's asking you to freakin' train for a triathlon. Get those endorphins going so you can feel really good. 

Steps: 


  1. Pray every chance you get.
  2. Take action, precisely in the above order. 
  3. Be consistent 
  4. Be patient
  5. Love yourself, be grateful for every moment. Do the things you really love. I do, and it works wonders. 


Whatever is going on starts with you.

Articles Worth Checking Out: 

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Love=Weakness

My husband left today on a business trip. I couldn't get that cotton mouth feeling outta my system, all the way to the airport I had that dreadful feeling. He held me tight and kissed me softly a few times, I couldn't help but cry. He hasn't had a major conference or important reason to travel since 2010, but when he does it's big. He's a lead software engineer and he's trying to make things happen for us. He's the smartest person I know, the most ambitious and hardworking man I've ever known. He will not give up. It's no wonder I fell in love with him, but "all a woman can ever hope to be is a pretty little fool". Feminists are rolling over in their graves' right now. We've fought for equal rights, we got it. We fought to be equally educated, we got it. We fought for equal pay, we got it. We didn't think it all the way through though. We still had to carry the children for almost a year if you include the 1st 3 months of nonstop breastfeeding, we still carry more of the burdens of child care and home care. Many thought they were doing something amazing by going out and getting a fancy education and a career, only to feel like they're still pulling that extra shift after a long day at the office and feeling duped out of their children's childhood of many firsts. No matter how you look at it, we're always wide open; vulnerable. Weakened by love of a man and/or love of a child. You fall in love and you give that special someone your heart to hold, when you have a child it's like you have to cut your heart in half and give it to your spouse and child, and they wear it on the outside instead of carrying it safely and gently...You decide to skip that path and eventually fear becoming the cat lady. You reach the pinnacle of your career and success and somehow you're still looking at what's next. You achieve everything and now you're sitting here upset because getting what you thought you wanted isn't so much fun. I get it, that's life. "Be Strong" they say...

Is it time to dream up a new dream yet? Probably not, the kids need you. You've got to become the master of disguise, whatever is bothering you can wait just like how emptying your bladder when you're trying to put food on the table can wait.
 The pathetic moment when you realize that your emotions are your biggest weakness... How can someone just leave home temporarily and make your heart ache? I said I'd never be that woman who loses herself and here I am lost.
It doesn't even matter how many different things I've got going for me, how many things I can do to keep myself entertained, or all the things I've done to maintain my individuality. I want no part of those things. I just fuckin miss him! The worst part is the loss of control. You've got to make peace with this shit, you don't have a choice. He's going to be back in 2 days, and this is how I feel. An emptiness in the kids, in every room of our house, in our bed... I always said I'd never date a police officer, Dr., lawyer, or someone in the military for the same reason, I need a lover in the flesh majority of the time. If this is how I feel about 2 more days maybe I should really run away, because something must be wrong with me and missing someone who will be back in 2 days is ridiculous right? 

Will I get over it? Of course. When he gets back it will be back to being positive and and thankfully happy. Will I cry again the next time he leaves in another month? Of course. Am I being dramatic? Hell no, I refuse to apologize for how I feel, chalking it up to "being dramatic". Will I break up the most beautiful but soul crushing thing I've dreamt about, wished on stars for, and finally created, probably not. Love=Weakness. Some would say it's being clingy, but you wouldn't even know how much it hurts till you find yourself missing someone like no tomorrow, even irrationally so.  
"Happiness is a point between two points of unhappiness."

I hope it's all worth it in the end.