I realize that I don't validate my own feelings because my feelings never mattered before when I start to feel like an ungrateful bitch. Kids are hard, and it's okay to admit that. I did follow my dreams chasing my own happiness without a care in the world for anyone or anything else. People say to me, enjoy your kids now this is the age, they grow so fast. I am enjoying them, and it's exhausting. I don't think that's any different than what I did before them, I thoroughly enjoyed my teens and 20's thus far. I did whatever I wanted and on my own terms. I will never get that time back in my life when I was called selfish, but alas the cycle's been broken because now as a parent, by default all I can think about in that aisle is how will I be the best mom I can be, instead of think about how will I be a mom who never got the chance to make and chase dreams of her own as most mother daughter generations have lived. There's no room to be selfish now.
The choices we make in life are either based on priorities, obstacles, failures, obligations, fears, worries, responsibilities, morals, values, or hopes, dreams, pleasures, happiness, triumphs or because we thought we could live with the repercussions of that choice. Any choice based on any of those things aren't wrong, but think about where it will lead you.
This past weekend my girls and I sat doing our nails. My oldest who's almost five years old asked why do we have to cut our nails? I said because it's cleaner and neater. I said "you should always keep yourself clean and neat. You must wash and comb your hair, put lotion on your skin, keep your nails neat, and wear good clothes, like a beautiful package". My husband intervenes, asking me what am I telling her? I'm teaching her about taking care of herself, that's what. I'm not about to raise two slobs that think it's okay to run around with dirt under their nails and ashy skin. I used to mentally rebel when my mom would have these conversations about women taking care of themselves, and naively think that a man will love you no matter how bad you let yourself go. He will love you alright, but he will also be wondering/wandering...
Birthing two girls and going through life myself I can see why she embedded that into my DNA. The more I see and hear, I realize how much I'm learning and growing as a wife and a mother. The conclusion is that while the journey will be different, I will raise them the same way I was raised with tweaks and modifications as needed. If you turned out to be any type of a good, successful productive human being, it was because of your mother. Good or bad it directly molded you. Both nature and nurture win here.
My mother is the strongest person I've ever met in life. She did whatever she thought was best, in the best way she knew how. Whatever good or bad times we've had enriched me in ways I never knew or thought was possible. Today I'm stronger, I'm capable, I'm evolved, I'm beautiful. I am enough.
Remember; Happy Moms= Happy Kids
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15 Steps on How to Improve Your Mother-Daughter Relationship