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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Topic of the Week: The Mother-Daughter Bond

Today I spent an hour of my life in Walgreens trying to find the right card for my mother's upcoming 50th birthday and Mother's Day. I honestly didn't browse anything else for that entire hour. When I came home I spent 30 mins trying to find the right words to express something more than the usual hope you have a great day, etc. When I buy a card it should be sincere, nothing generic. My mother and I have always had a turbulent relationship filled of highs and lows. One minute we're on the same page the next we're not. In the end we're bonded for life, I'm her daughter, and she's my mother, we can never erase or replace eachother. The bonds we share with our mothers totally affects how you mother. Having two daughters of my own, I stood in that aisle today; an entire hour, with my feet hurting, thirsty, reading card after card, thinking, will it be this hard to for my girls to choose a card for me in the future? Why is it hard? Will I live up to any or all of the messages in these cards? Sure I want to be a friend, be supportive, make memories, be real, be strong, be beautiful, be a role-model, be positive, always pour out warmth and affection, have faith all the time, sacrifice, know best, and be the person that never lets them down.


My patience with them is being tested daily, and sometimes I feel like I'll lose it, and there is when my mind drifts back to my mother. She always did have it hard. How the hell did she deal with both of us? We were pretty bad sometimes... I don't think I really fully appreciated this woman until today when all these things were hitting me like a ton of bricks. I never told her, even though I'll say thanks for things. I think I purposely downplay the hand she had in making me who I am now because that would have to be me tearing down one of my multi-layered walls to say yes, you're right I didn't get here on my own. If I ever complain about my kids to her, she reminds that I don't have to worry about bringing in that single income paycheck and that I don't have to do it alone. She's right,  I don't have to cook if I really don't want to, I don't worry about how I will make it every month, and yet I feel like sometimes its so hard to keep up with the daily pressures and standards of dealing with two small kids under the age of five while adhering to the vain standard  that I shouldn't look like shit while doing it in which I wholeheartedly thank her for, because it is important. If I lost that part of myself, then who's to say what else I will let go of that makes me me.

I realize that I don't validate my own feelings because my feelings never mattered before when I start to feel like an ungrateful bitch. Kids are hard, and it's okay to admit that. I did follow my dreams chasing my own happiness without a care in the world for anyone or anything else. People say to me, enjoy your kids now this is the age, they grow so fast. I am enjoying them, and it's exhausting. I don't think that's any different than what I did before them, I thoroughly enjoyed my teens and 20's thus far. I did whatever I wanted  and on my own terms. I will never get that time back in my life when I was called selfish, but alas the cycle's been broken because now as a parent, by default all I can think about in that aisle is how will I be the best mom I can be, instead of think about how will I be a mom who never got the chance to make and chase dreams of her own as most mother daughter generations have lived. There's no room to be selfish now.

The choices we make in life are either based on priorities, obstacles, failures, obligations, fears, worries, responsibilities, morals, values, or hopes, dreams, pleasures, happiness, triumphs or because we thought we could live with the repercussions of that choice. Any choice based on any of those things aren't wrong, but think about where it will lead you.

This past weekend my girls and I sat doing our nails. My oldest who's almost five years old asked why do we have to cut our nails? I said because it's cleaner and neater. I said "you should always keep yourself clean and neat. You must wash and comb your hair, put lotion on your skin, keep your nails neat, and wear good clothes, like a beautiful package". My husband intervenes, asking me what am I telling her? I'm teaching her about taking care of herself, that's what. I'm not about to raise two slobs that think it's okay to run around with dirt under their nails and ashy skin. I used to mentally rebel when my mom would have these conversations about women taking care of themselves, and naively think that a man will love you no matter how bad you let yourself go. He will love you alright, but he will also be wondering/wandering...

Birthing two girls and going through life myself I can see why she embedded that into my DNA. The more I see and hear, I realize how much I'm learning and growing as a wife and a mother. The conclusion is that while the journey will be different, I will raise them the same way I was raised with tweaks and modifications as needed. If you turned out to be any type of a good, successful productive human being, it was because of your mother. Good or bad it directly molded you. Both nature and nurture win here.

My mother is the strongest person I've ever met in life. She did whatever she thought was best, in the best way she knew how. Whatever good or bad times we've had enriched me in ways I never knew or thought was possible. Today I'm stronger, I'm capable, I'm evolved, I'm beautiful. I am enough

Remember; Happy Moms= Happy Kids 

Resources: 

'I'm Not Your Little Baby!' Calling a Truce in Mother-Daughter Conflict

The Emotional Crisis between Mothers and Daughters

Why it’s Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound

4 Key Ingredients for Mother-Daughter Relationships


This Infographic Reveals How to Raise Happy and Healthy Kids

Friday, April 25, 2014

Topic of the Week: Relationship Longevity

Sometimes I learn really cool things in the area of social sciences or all varieties of science in general that I share mainly on my personal FB page. A lot of people told me they appreciate it and look forward to such posts, but it's been extremly hard to get my audience reached across the different social platforms. Keeping up with social media is like a full time job for me! I logged in to Instagram for the first time today after God knows how long. It's too much media! I wanted to do weekly posts where I share the majority of a topic I learned about through reading and research, or the most thought provoking article of the week and call it  "Article of the Week" or "Topic of the Week". I've been wanting to do it  for a while now, but haven't been making moves to accomplish any of that.

I constantly strive to do it all, each day I make a list of things I will do the next day only to resolve that I just can't. It's not excuses I'm just too damn tired. I forced myself to work on this blog tonight because I'm always putting off recipe shares, health posts, and daily life lessons. I think it's important to come to terms with whatever is going on in your life sometimes and just allow yourself to take a time-out. I tell myself this daily:


Maybe part of it is procrastination but most of it is surely self-preservation. I can't be stressed about stupid things. I get overwhelmed easily. In an effort to stay positive daily it's important to let go of the things that overwhelm you.In my previous article entitled 5 Truths to Staying IN Love, I mentioned how I let the dishes pile up and how we do chores together, or do nice things for one another. Sometimes my husband is working around the clock and unable to help and I'm understanding but the main thing is this:


I think I'd make a great counselor because I'm known to give expert advice based on science, facts, and experience, in a non biased way. I might pursue life coaching in the future to complement my degree in Psychology, but for today I'd like to share this tidbit below. It might be inspirational to improving your love life.



 It's Friday, so make this weekend count! Do something nice for your partner. Give him/her room to do something special for you as well. Check out the amazing resources below if you have time. They're awesome must-reads. If you're ever interested in free advice, drop me a line at http://mizzanythingbut.tumblr.com/ask/.


Resources:

The Best Kept Secret to Highly Successful Couples

How Your Friends' Divorce Can Save Your Marriage


This Psychological Trick May Actually Improve Your Relationship

8 Things women just don't do anymore (that they should!) -Minus the cursing part. I will say Fuck as I please.

15 Habits Of Healthy Couples

Friday, April 18, 2014

Plantlife Therapeutic Mineral Bath Detox Therapy Review


It's been a while since I did a review or used a product worth doing one for. I've been soaking in the tub every week in these baths that feel so heavenly when I'm done. I've had some foot pain like heel spurs for a while too and since I heard it's good to soak any areas from joint pain to bone pain in epsom salt and baking soda I decided to try it. I didn't try the epsom salt and baking soda right away, but eventually I did, and it wasn't any different than the Plantlife Therapeutic Mineral Bath, but the baths certainly helped. The first time I tried the mineral bath I fell in love with it. I've been using it weekly for the past 2-3 months. I enjoy it that much. It smells awesome and I when I get out of the tub I feel so relaxed. I sleep better when I have my weekly baths than any other time. Your body feels so good after a long day. The most important thing about it is what it does for you. 

Plantlife Therapeutic Mineral Bath Detox Therapy Description

  • Made With Celtic Hand Harvested Sea Salt
  • Free Of Animal testing, pesticides, herbicides and chemical residues.
  • Internal Oceans Hydrotherapy
Why Celtic Sea Salt?

This pure, unprocessed salt comes from the pristine shores of Brittany, France. It's sun dried and hand harvested using a 2000 year old Celtic farming method that preserves the purity and balance of the ocean minerals. This salt is rich in over 84 vital minerals and is free of pesticides, herbicides and chemical residues. Our bodies have three "Internal Oceans" that closely resemble the ionic balance of ocean water. These oceans (blood plasma, lymphatic fluid and extra cellular fluid) circulate throughout our bodies. This pure salt nourishes these fluids because it contains the necessary and primary minerals our bodies require for optimum health.

Detox Therapy

Each year we are exposed to thousands of toxins and pollutants in the air, water, food and soil. They accumulate in our bodies and can manifest themselves in a variety of symptoms. Detox Therapy promotes the elimination of these toxins and free radicals from the body. Soaking in a hot bath (100 to 107 degrees) is relaxing mentally, physically and is stimulating to the immune system. When added to your bath water, Detox Therapy can help facilitate a return to proper health.

Ingredients: Celtic hand harvested sea salt (contains chloride, sodium, sulphur, zinc, magnesium, calcium, iron, silicon, potassium, manganese, boron, copper and other trace minerals), sodium sesquicarbonate, magnesium sulfate (epsom salt), sodium bicarbonate, maltodextrin (grain starch), proprietary blend of 100% pure essential oils, olea europaea (olive) oil, calendula officinalis (organic calendula) flower extract, chamomilla recutita (organic matricaria) flower extract and tocopherol (vitamin E).



Everything I've learned about cancer points to inflammation, and sugar directly causes inflammation. Most cancer patients are deficient in magnesium...maybe this is worth trying?

Regardless of what your reasons are for taking baths I highly recommend this mineral bath. I'm not paid for my opinions or my posts on things I've reviewed. However, I do get paid for advertisements on my page but again, not for my content.  It's important to detox naturally and safely every so often as toxins build up in our body. 







I get the mineral bath from Vitacost.com. Click here to save $10 off your vitacost.com order of $30 or more. If not, maybe you can make your own detox bath, this is good as any. 


You can also get it from Amazon.com: 







Magnesium Deficiency Symptoms & Diagnosis

Thursday, April 10, 2014

When the Anti-Bullying Movement Goes Too Far...

Today I realized how much is changing in the world, in society. I think the kids we're raising today are certainly growing up to be self-entitled, brats, with no individuality, or backbones to stand up for themselves. We're babying this generation too much, sheltering them from the real world, not giving them enough responsibilities, or accountability for their actions. We strip them of basic independence when we tell them they have to be friends with everyone as early as Pre-K and literally every statement is considered being "not nice" even when statements are neutral but honest. I was perpetuated with fear for my daughters but today I stand firm in my decision to raise my kids differently. The way I was raised in fact. I will not be bullied by the infamous Anti-Bullying Movement. Bullying is a real problem no doubt, especially when it involves kids exploiting one another on social media. However, an even bigger problem is brewing when literally everything is considered bullying and parents are involving themselves in what used to be a basic survival skill  for kids to learn problem solving and how to grow tolerant of others.

We're a bit pissed off, but not irrationally so. I think parents today are raising Pussies. There I said it. For the entire school year my husband and I have been hearing about this girl from our daughter who is always mean to her, always saying mean things, always trying to isolate her from others. One day they're friends the next day they're not, you really can't keep up, so we bought into the anti-bullying movement and shrugged our shoulders and said when it happens let your teacher know and taught her not to retaliate. No big deal, nothing worth mentioning to the teacher. They're four for God's sake, they like telling on each other, they like the attention, they can't stand not getting to be in charge when it's a pretend game. No rocket science needed there. That's what kids freakin' do. I'm not that mother who constantly defends and raises hell for their child without getting the facts straight. If anything I'm probably  at the midway point of being old school like when I was growing up. My mom always came to us first and got the truth out of us before confronting the other party. She always assumed we were in the wrong, because most times it's the parents who feel their child can never do any wrong are the ones who actually do.

I guess my daughter got tired of taking this girls bullshit so she starts telling the girl she's not gonna play with her anymore and they're no longer friends. The child goes back and tells her parents, and then her parents brought it up to the teacher. The teacher of course lets me know, and repeats the mantra to the girls explaining "We are a school family, and we're all friends". School family is fine but now when I'm telling  my daughter to stay away from the other child, my daughter becomes conflicted in tears saying I'm trying to stop them from being friends on purpose, and that's not what her teacher said. She was told they are all supposed to be friends.

Fuck that. Now if nobody was hurt physically, no bad words were used, nobody is being socially outcast-ed... why do the parents need to mention anything to the teacher? I surely haven't because I've constantly asked my daughter about her encounters and she's learned that it's not a big deal, and to simply move on.   You don't have to be friends with everyone. You will treat everyone with respect, be polite, not single anyone out for any particular reason, not tease anyone, and never put your hands on anyone.  I was raised with "if someone hits you, you hit them back". Yet I never taught her that. I was bullied in the 4th grade for almost the entire year until I stood up to the girl and fought her. She never bothered me again. My mother never fought my battles for me, and I'm glad she didn't. NYC isn't a place with any kind of Anti-Bullying movement, you learned to survive.


I just hate that we're brainwashing kids to believe that everybody is their friend, only to end up trying to wean them off the idea of conformity in High School when they succumb to peer pressure and do stupid shit with their friends. We're breeding followers, not leaders. We have too many followers to begin with. I want my daughters to learn how to love themselves, and respect themselves from now, and that means learning how to be tough enough to bounce back after dealing with the shit people will dish out from time to time. Be confident, be diplomatic, and be happy with who you are. Children have the right to pick and choose their close friends. You know in your gut when someone is good or bad for you.

8 Must Read References:
Why My Kids Are Not the Center of My World

12 Ways to Be the Meanest Mom in the World

When the Bully is Your Kid

7 Crippling Parenting Behaviors That Keep Children From Growing Into Leaders

11 Tough Leadership Truths That No One Talks About

14 Year Old Writes the Most Important Poem of the Century

7 Reasons Why You Will Never Do Anything Amazing with Your Life

The Overprotected Kid

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

5 Men Every Woman Needs

I consider myself a feminist. I believe that women should be equals with the understanding that we can never truly be equals. That sounds like a hypocritical statement but if you think about  the degree to which women are treated unfairly based on the social stigma of being a woman, you will understand we don't want to actually have balls but be given the same freedoms and respect as if we did. We shouldn't be limited to anything we feel naturally inclined to. With that being said, of course I grew up in a home where it was okay for my brother to be treated differently because he was a boy and of course I was the biggest rebel ever. I'm still that girl.

Today I was backing out of the garage and knocked the passenger side mirror cracking it. Thankfully it wasn't knocked clean off and the mirror didn't break but the controls for the mirror and driver memory settings got screwed up. I spent the first half of the day contemplating where I could go and fix it for a decent price without my husband finding out. The second half of the day I made peace with the fact that it wasn't getting fixed and that I'd have to tell him what happened. He's not an abusive man for me to be in a state of fear, but I still dreaded telling him because he's always acting like my father.  He told me numerous times to watch out for that mirror when he saw me backing out, and each time I was like "Yo don't tell me how to drive!". I always back out almost full speed while looking at the back up camera. I'm always Right goddammit. I won't stand to be treated like I'm inferior in any skill set. My ego couldn't handle being wrong this time after all his blasted warnings and preaching about watching out for the stupid mirror. I just wanted the situation to disappear, and to continue on my merry way.

I immediately told my brother for him to give me the run down on the extent of the damage. Next I drove straight to Advance Auto Parts, and had a nice fellow give me some advice after looking at it. He gave me his friend's card who has a shop to go to. I called and got a sketchy quote from that guy. At that point, it was too late and nothing was going to be fixed in the next few hours so I just conceded to the fact that I was going to have to tell my husband. When I told him, the bow down from my righteous,
independent, and bold womanhood was silent. He said it wasn't that bad and we'd get it fixed but I sure as hell felt crummy, maybe I should've taken his damn warnings more seriously. I thought and thought how I could've saved myself the little hurt to my pride? This is a story he will probably remind me of for all eternity for God's sake... If there's anything I learned in all this is that I need more than one man in my life. Sure your husband can count as one of these guys, or you can try to master each field at your own volition. Professional or friendship based relationships should be maintained but these guys definitely need to be someone you can call and rely on in the event that something like this happens. He should be the respectful and honest business man you go to for years because you know he won't rip you off for being a woman. Making the right connections and networking suddenly has a whole new meaning. The feminist in me is taking a day off today.
Him; always micromanaging my driving! 
5 Men You Need in Your Life: 
  1. The Auto/Body Mechanic-well for obvious reasons...
  2. The Brother- biological or brother from another mother. He's a natural know-er of all things guy-related. 
  3. Lawyer/Paralegal/Cop- any law based free advice could be useful one day.
  4. The Fixer-Upper/Handyman- because sometimes bitching and complaining isn't worth the effort when something needs to be done when you need it done right away. 
  5. The Business Man-insurance adjuster, real estate broker, anything business related because we all need advice in this field from time to time.  
So there you have it. Hell, you can even add the computer wizard if you'd like or be technologically savvy enough to fix your own computer as I can. We can be a woman who is a jack of all trades or we can be smart and make the right connections to get things done. I'm a SAHM and I don't have time for all that. I never liked putting all my eggs in one basket anyway.  




Thursday, April 3, 2014

Healthy Substitution Cheat Sheets

Hey guys, lately I've been tired as shit earlier than ever and going to bed anywhere from 11pm - 2am. I don't think it's a cause for concern but I honestly think I might have been chemically imbalanced causing me to be extremely hyper after 11pm to roughly 4 am prior to this. I believe it truly could be linked to the pink himalayan salt I've made the switch to about 6 weeks ago. It actually restores key vitamins and mineral such a magnesium, potassium, and promotes healthy sleep patterns. I have also been doing weekly baths with sea salts, Epsom salts, and baking soda to detox and as a stress reliever after a long week. I love my baths, it's so relaxing to lay in the tub with a good book or music. I try to do healthy changes little at a time in an effort to take the time to properly research items and fully commit to a healthier lifestyle. What's been helpful to me in the past are these little charts that I want to share with you all. These cheat sheets are good for saving as a guide in your journey to being healthier, and help you make better choices when shopping. It's great to save to research, and also keep you on task with the changes you feel would benefit certain things in your life. For me, I've been on a journey trying to get rid of toxins and chemicals. I'm trying to eat and live a life as natural as possible after being subscribed to the notions of low-fat, low-calorie, and low-carb for my entire adult life ultimately leading me no where. Save and share if you care. I'll try to get back on the horse, I'm experiencing a bit of writers' block with being so tired!  =)