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Friday, August 7, 2015

The Seeds We Plant

Hey guys, so in the last few weeks I was stumbling in the dark again. I hurt myself exercising, and basically went into a downward spiral dealing with anxiety, depression, and just a general self-awareness of all the things that are abnormal about myself and habits. Whenever this happens, I have to take time out to just talk to my husband about the things bothering me, go back to doing my hobbies, practice my positive affirmations, change my thought process, and refocus myself back on to the healthy track I was on previously. My husband keeps me grounded, he knows how much I struggle against myself. He knows the parts of myself that I don't share with anyone else. He knows how long it took me and takes me to trust. He's a big part of my general positive outlook,  and having him and the girls push me to become better, and triumph over these issues in life. A big part of the issues people generally deal with stems from childhood.
  1. Have you ever had someone do something nice for you and you panic because you don't know how else to respond, and feel like you don't deserve it? 
  2. Have you ever berated yourself because you ate something delicious but bad and now you feel guilty about it and can't get over it?
  3. Have you ever looked at your pictures and tore yourself up with criticism? 
  4. Have you ever been scared of what tomorrow will bring? 
  5. Have you ever had insomnia where you basically stay up the entire night with a million things on your mind but you get high on just the energy of night and music, starting projects and plans until you're exhausted? 
  6. Do you frequently wake up with dread and fear and not know why? 
  7. Do you frequently wish you'd never been born? Or think about death? 
  8. Do you keep having the same conversations with yourself and others, because its the same old issues coming up?  
  9. Have you had an unstable childhood at any point where things changed a lot and made you scared about what would happen to you? 
  10. Have you ever suffered from physical, emotional, sexual and/or verbal abuse? 
  11. Have you ever had a panic attack? 
  12. Do you have unhealthy eating habits? Periods of starving, skipping meals, and then binge eating?
  13. Growing up, did you engage in risky behaviors? 
  14. Do you ever feel like you will never be good enough or reach a certain standard? 
  15. Are you a control freak? 
  16. Are you easily overwhelmed? 
I realized that today, we're focused on the problems, the questions, the label, the meaning, the definition, the symptoms, the consequences, the future, the race, ultimately the end result. I usually would read questions like this and wonder what does this all mean? We're all afraid to be abnormal or labelled.  If you answered yes to any of these questions and/or all of these questions then you're just like me, you have issues, and we don't need to label them but at some point when you do decide to label them (or get a label professionally) you will either walk around with a big cloud over your head or a new awareness for what's wrong and a determination to fix it. That's the new thing in our home now. My oldest is a lot like me, and it's scary. It's like I can clearly see it when she does the same things I do. She will sit and stew, get frustrated, whine, cry, or try to give up when things get tough. I know she's only six but she's growing and my job as her mother is to make sure she grows up strong. I hear myself saying the very things we all need to hear a lot of the time. Parenting is a nonstop time machine. Revisiting your past, dealing with the present challenges, and anticipating future ones.


I say to my daughter:

- "NEVER SAY YOU CAN'T! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO!"

- "ARE YOU FOCUSED ON THE PROBLEM OR THE SOLUTION?" 

- "I BELIEVE IN YOU, I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT."

- "WHEN YOU GIVE UP, YOU NEVER GET TO WIN," 

- "YOU MIGHT NOT GET IT RIGHT, NOW, BUT WITH PRACTICE YOU WILL." 

- "REMEMBER WHEN YOU COULDN'T WRITE YOUR LETTERS?" 

- "WHEN YOU FEEL SCARED, REMEMBER GOD AND EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY."

- "DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT NOW, YOU WILL LEARN WHEN THE TIME COMES, THAT'S WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT." 





She is 6 years old. I am in my late 20's, (even this gives me anxiety, lol) yet those messages can certainly be applied to myself, if only I would say them. We all have that inner voice doubting all the things we can do, self-sabotaging our own goals, questioning what we're capable of, and waiting for someone else to help us realize how special we are.

3 Main Points I Want to Share Are


  1. Children are like seeds. Planted in shallow soil, they won't be able to stand strong against the wind. 
  2. Regardless of how you were planted in deep or shallow soil, you still have the power to thicken your roots and grow.
  3. Do your best to  plant positive seeds in your mind. Beautiful things will blossom. 

Raise Your Awareness.