Tuesday, January 8, 2013

SAHMs report Depression, Sadness, Anger. Why?

I read something last night about stay-at-home moms reporting more feelings of sadness, depression and anger. While most SAHMs, including those found on blogs and media act like its all peaches and cream, I openly admit that it's really a task that can beat you down sometimes, its downright HELL let's be honest with ourselves. It is great sometimes, but let's be real, is it like that majority of the time? There's too much things going on. Other SAHMs think by pretending they're so joyfully smiling every moment of the day, that they're better moms than you are...yea competition! They are no different, I know many SAHMs and if God has blessed me with anything, it's the ability to see through all of people's bullshit. I've just grown...let me find the word....tolerant? No. I've grown wiser. It's easier to just take it all in and make mental notes of what not to be like. I will say though, it's a privilege to be a SAHM, and most moms will agree, there's no regret here. We're doing the best we can, and we can see the bigger picture, that these are the years that memories and bonds are made of while a foundation is being built.

What most people outside of the situation don't understand is that, it's not laziness that doesn't get mom back to work, it's just more economical for her to be home. Rising costs of child care and living expenses make no sense killing yourself to go to work, to bring home $50 after-tax paying for daycare, gas, tolls, lunches etc. When mom comes home from work, it's not like she just gets to sit down and relax, she has to do everything else that's not done already like cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping. Why are SAHMs reporting more feelings of depression, anger and sadness though?

  1. Loss of Identity...you spend the entire day looking after little monsters that cry relentlessly, make tons of mess, always need to be fed around the clock, and have so much needs, I'm tired just from thinking about it. As much as I love getting dressed up and wearing make-up as a form of self-expression, does it make much sense taking the time to do it if I'm going absolutely no where and the kids need their breakfast like right now? It's not feasible or productive. I don't let myself get sloppy, but up-kept nails, hair, and little lipstick/gloss everyday does the trick. 
  2. Lack of Support...I personally have been blessed with a husband who helps me so much, that's how I've kept my sanity and get the free time to come online, and do things for myself. The national average on the other hand says Dad's aren't helping out as much as they should, they come home and think the world revolves around them, like mom's been chilling all day. My hubby has on occasion asked dangerous questions though, lol. You know like "What'd you do all day?" instead of "How was your day hun?"

  3. Lack of a network...Some moms might have family/friends nearby to drop the kids off to get a break, but most don't have that luxury. Grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, allow parents and children to get a breather. They can spend time with their grandparents and come back refreshed, well behaved, well mannered and missing you. I've seen that for myself with my girls. Especially when their dad gets home from work, the screams omg...yes it makes me jealous, lol. When I get my breaks to go out and do my thing, I come back a better mom, a relaxed mom and I miss them dearly. They reciprocate that feeling too. 
  4. No Breaks...Even bathroom breaks are interrupted, they search for you the minute you go missing, even if you just saw their eyes glued to the TV and you're sneaking off. Vacation days are a joke, even if you're going on vacation, you still have to take care of your kids...unless...you go without them, lol. I can't do that though, I won't be able to enjoy myself because I worry too damn much.

  5. Sick Days...Are well...Forbidden. I know if I'm sick, I still have to drag my ass around and do what I do everyday, it doesn't matter shit still has to be taken cared of. I've learned however, when I'm sick, to just say fuck the housework, because you can get better faster laying around all day and playing catch up when you get that burst of energy as you get out of the funk. 
  6. You are Your Worst Critic...you read articles on being a good mom, read the baby books while you're pregnant, plan to have a wonderful days and then life happens. Your kid has decided to block up the toilet with toilet paper and you explode, not because you wanted to but because you're trying to finish up dinner, the other child needs to be fed, and you didn't sleep much last night because you needed that time to yourself that much and now you regret it. Now you've lost your temper and you feel like shit, great job, now you're not winning any mom of the year awards as if there were any. You're raising your voice and yelling all day and can't believe the voice shooting out of your face is yes...your mothers. Didn't I always say I didn't want to be like that woman? Fuck! 
  7. Pressure from Society...you're expected to always be on point, your so-called friends even your own family judges what you're doing or not doing right. You're expected to be in the best shape of your life, your kids should never have a tantrum, if they do "they might have problems in school, or might have ADHD", you're compared to other SAHMs, and receive subliminal attacks through statements like "oh my sister-in-law finds the time to exercise, you can too", and "The college educated woman is the stay at home mom...". Really? I didn't know you guys were an expert, from the looks of it I think I'm doing just fine all by myself if we're gonna go there and gonna compare ourselves. SAHMs are in fact alone. You can say fuck what everybody thinks and says all day long, but words are powerful enough for it to get under your skin every now and again because we're only human.

So ladies, if you're a stay at home mom know your worth, I know I do. I don't need my parenting skills, or feelings validated by anybody to know I'm a good mom. My kids are well taken cared of, they are clean, well fed, well groomed, and morals, values, and mannerisms are being taught every single day in every breath I take and that's all I can do. Just give my best and try to stay fabulous through it all. 

I know my husband would laugh his ass off if he saw this, I don't do any yard work, or house fixing, lol. 

If you'd like to read the article here it is: stay-home-moms-report-depression-sadness-anger