Wednesday, February 6, 2013

A Letter to my First Born; Isabella

Dear Isabella.

At this point you are four short months to being 4 years old. You are absolutely positively the apple of your dad's eye. I however take the disciplinarian role all the time which leaves me tired, haggard, and unable to be the epitome of affection all the time. You've been testing your boundaries since you were 10 months old, and I have never met a child so smart. I don't say that because you're my daughter or because you're a product of me, but because it's true. Your observations are over-zealous, your thought processes exceed my expectations and I admit to being speechless at times when I can't give you a further answer than what you've just explained to me. Any child can use large words in the right context but your cognition for learning is impeccable.  This week I told you only once that there are 12 months in a year, 4 weeks in a month, and 7 days in a week, and you were able to reiterate that to your dad later that evening. When we talk to you, we don't see a baby anymore, we see a little girl with so much to say.

 Yet as smart as you are, your bubbly personality is anchored by kindness but driven by emotions. You are stubborn nonetheless, your attitude is fierce (of course, look who's your mother and your grandmas) and your temperament is high. You've been a thorn in my side recently with your use of "Fine" and we need to work on that. I find myself talking over and over because you don't listen which leads to big trouble. You know the rules but when I'm on the phone you think it's okay to forget them. When you decide to have a tantrum, I go with the American approach. "I don't negotiate with terrorists". I won't allow you to get sucked into the "I'm entitled" era. If you want something you're going to have to earn it.

When I was having you I wanted a strong name for you. Isabella Selene is not only strong, but it contains a bit of sass and beauty all of which you encompass. If I had known you would be such a strong force in our household I probably would've named you something short and timid. You didn't come with any instructions, and I've made and will continue to make mistakes a long the way. I hope you will forgive me for those mistakes one day, and know that I had the utmost best intentions at heart. My hopes for your future are that you will be an intelligent, confident, respectful, graceful, and beautiful young woman. That the empathy you have now, never leaves you. When I explained today that we mustn't run the water because we're wasting it and that people all over the world don't have clean running water like we do, you replied "I can give them our water." 

I admire the way you care for your sister, the way the two of you laugh until no end, and hug and kiss each other. The bond you both share isn't superior to that of a brother and sister but it's magnified by all the girly giggles, physical affection, and maternal characteristics. You're going to start school this year and it makes me fearful. My expectation is that I will probably cry more than you will, you're braver than I am. It's going to be the first time we're separated. I hope you adapt easily and are well behaved. We've been covering manners and speaking politely for a while now. I love you so much, I can't imagine my life without you. My focus is to instill morals, values, religion, goodness, humanity and most of all; love, so that you will be a positive contributor to society and an even better mother than I am to you. Even if I don't live to see you into adulthood, I hope you will be raised with a strong moral compass and always watch out for your baby sister. Amorina is an angel so far, we're still getting to know who she is as she develops. The blood, sweat, and tears that goes into raising a child can never be measured by the success the child amounts to. As long as you are healthy and happy, I will be happy. Your exuberance is just like mine, just as I look at your face and see my own. Don't let anyone ever take that from you.

I will write to you girls throughout the years as you grow, in order to bridge the gap that grows between mothers and daughters. Regardless of if we grow apart, or share a close kinship, I hope my letters to you will only strengthen that bond and reassure you when times are tough that you're loved no matter what's wrong in the world. There is no love like the love between a mother and her baby.

Forever yours,