Monday, February 11, 2013

Another Night We'll Remember

Let me tell you all about the nonsense I've had to deal with since I moved to this house. I can't even tell you how anxious I am to move already. Last year we had spiders to deal with, flying roaches that were coming in through the fireplace vents, endless visits from pest control, and sealing up every inch of this place finally helped our bug problem. I was never afraid of these insects before, but I soon became paranoid of them. So fearful that we slept with the bright light on for nearly a month. It didn't stop there, we still sleep with the TV on. Frog in my shower last week wasn't enough. Last night, we had weevils lurking in our room! If I could give you the chronicles of me and my husband arguing about bugs, we'd have our own reality show by now.  He's had it with my bug phobia but fuck I've even had it with my bug phobia. I'm breaking out from all the stress lately. This mofo was to blame. Yes my husband...

It all started a couple of days ago, I found weevils in the pantry. It happens sometimes, when you buy things in bulk and don't use them, sometimes they're already in grains when you buy them. I had em in my airtight container I keep dry split peas in. We make "dahl" often, so I'm usually fully stocked, and that's where these little fuckers came from. I had to clean out the entire pantry to make sure they didn't find their way into the girls' cereals. I left that canister out and specifically stated to this dude; "hey when you take the garbage out,  can you please throw the dahl out and seal the bag?". He says "okay". Fast forward to last night. I'm tired as shit, I come to bed, and for some reason I can't sleep right away. As I say my good nights to this man, I blink twice, and there's a little black speck on his side of the bedroom wall. The TV is always on for this purpose so I can see what the hell is in the room. WTF!... I get up to smash it with my slipper. That's it, nobody's gonna sleep now. I pull out a flash light and inspect the room. There's 2 more weevils in the back of our bed. WTF!!! I'm just about to go crazy. I'm like "how the hell did they get in here!?! Fucking insects are trying to ruin my life!" [Yea, I'm a bit of a drama queen when shit is happening out of my control.] Drum-roll please...

Husband: I threw the dahl outside...
Me: YOU DID WHAT?!!!!!!
Husband: I threw it out there for the birds to eat, I didn't think they could make their way back inside the house.
Me: Well they're in the goddamn house!!! Now we're going to eat them while we sleep, and they're going to be in our sheets, in our hair, our ears! [Lord help me, it's taking every fiber of my being not to beat this man and kill him, I blatantly told him to pour the split peas into the trash and seal the bag and he said okay... I honestly have not only 2 children, but 3.]

I sent him to get the bug spray, and now he's outside spraying near the window, and I'm inside spraying the baseboards, because apparently there's a tiny enough crack for these little bitches to get inside. All this spraying, and the fan  is on, now the room smells, and my nose is burning from the poison. We can't sleep in the room. We progress to our small office, to blow up the air mattress.

Me: You have a problem with listening, don't you! Why on earth did you throw it out there..??
Husband: I don't know! I didn't think it was a big deal.
Me: I get that you didn't know, but this isn't the first time you didn't listen to me and it backfired. [I'm ALWAYS right.]  Did you just spray the entire side of the house, or did you only put it on top of the split peas?
Husband: On top...
Me: What the hell? They're going to smell it and run towards the house. We're going to be infested before we know it! LET'S GO! WE'RE GOING OUTSIDE!

At this point it's 1:40 am and we're outside in the cold, and lo and behold this guy has literally dumped all the split peas in one spot just like I thought, and sprayed bug spray on top of it. We're now out there like the fuckin Blair Witch Project people with our flashlights and our gear. He scoops up the mess of peas throw in in the garbage can outside and re-sprays the house. I go inside to make sure there's not a trail of ants or more weevils getting up from under the carpet. I'm just fed up at this point. We're now in the office going to  sleep on the air bed, and we just bust out laughing. It's been that kind of night. We can't help but laugh hysterically of what has just occurred. Now we both can't even go to sleep. We end up talking about if we had been in Queens, NY where we're both from,  that at least 3 neighbors would have seen us or asked what the hell we were doing out there. We like the privacy FL enables us. We're not even close to rich enough to enjoy this lifestyle in Long Island. Chris say's he's been in love with Florida since he was a kid, that he always bugged his parents to come here every chance he got. I however, always loved NY, and I always will. I will always miss my hometown. That's the irony of it all. That he meets the girl who will end up moving to FL 3 years later because of her family, and now she doesn't mind because it worked out. That's just fate, and since it is, he can rescue me from the creatures that hunt me for as long as he lives. The END.

"Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart." -Marcus Aurelius

On a side note: Today my grandma would've been 88 years old, may she rest in peace. Where ever she is, I hope she's proud of me.