Sunday, February 17, 2013

Carnal Temptation

Disclaimer: TMI will be revealed. If we're related, get off this post now.

Tonight I'm up all night. I was so exhausted I went to bed at 8:30 pm, and I woke up around 1:30 am sooo refreshed. I'm fresh as a daisy, but fuck I'm hungry! I'm having some tea and reading up online as usual. I'm like a crazy person tonight. My mind is racing everywhere. I just realized it's 6:15 am right now, my ass should be sleeping. I just read an article I had to blog about. Juicy stuff... =) I'm gonna say some dangerous things out loud. I say them because I'm fearless. I say all the things everyone is thinking, and I will not apologize for it. My husband supports my blog and that's all that matters.

Naturally we're inclined towards attractive people. We're drawn to them, even the article states as a fact that we tend to gaze into the eyes of beautiful people . Beauty is in the eye of the beholder as I stated before in my last blog, but is there a standard for beauty? Yes there is, turns out even babies stare at what majority of people consider attractive, longer than they would at an average person. What makes people average and above average? Symmetry...how symmetrical one side of the face is to the other. That's how the brain decodes attractiveness. It was on Discovery channel a while back. I won't go into full detail, there's more that the brain analyzes but "aint nobody got time for that!" (lmao I love Sweet Brown!!!)

I'm always intrigued by the human mind, what people think and feel. It's just in my inquisitive nature to see people on the highway driving by and wondering what their life is like. How do we actually stay faithful with all these sexy ass people running around? Are we destined to cheat with the media's explicit use of sex appeal in everything we see and hear? Sex sells, look at the porn industry alone. It's a reflex to look at the opposite sex and check them out. I get upset if I see my husband do it when we're in the grocery store, and he honestly makes a point to be very fast, but slick ain't fooling me. When I get jealous, he points out that I'm no saint either, which is true, lol. He compares me looking at an attractive man to eating popcorn and watching a movie! I guess I didn't realize I wasn't playing fair. I feel attractive, I know when I go out I'm well dressed, I don't need to bring sexy back. Even more, I get that validation from men. I love the attention. I don't crave it or seek it out, it's just there in a variety pack waiting for me to indulge. Who doesn't want to know that they still got it? After the changes and sacrifice your body goes through to create a baby or two, who doesn't want to know that they're still sexy? I'm not even at my absolute best to say I've got my thinner body back, but I love my body regardless. I take care of it, I nourish it, and I work on it. It doesn't need to be thin to be provocative or exotic. 

Have men hit on me while I was married?...Of course, they can't help themselves, we all want what we can't have. Will I hit on anyone? Fuck no, anybody who wants me is gonna have to approach me and work for me (I'm a old-school type of gal when it comes to courting) I won't give myself so easily like I have no values. If the guy checking me out is okay, then it's not even a thought. But if he's attractive, it does make you think for a second. Let me clarify though, if he's someone's husband or boyfriend I stay the hell away as far as I can get, cause that's happened before as well. Checking someone out though is normal, it's when it becomes uncomfortable that it's  fuckin' disrespectful... I know if my husband sees a hot chic, he must wonder for that moment, even if it does last more than a second or for 5 minutes, or an hour, it's human nature, that's it, no wrong or right. I'd be stupid to think "oh no he doesn't", or even naive to believe it. Actions however is where you draw the line. Doing something about what your imagination played out in your head is where cheating begins. Even with as much intelligence as we have as humans, we're animals at the core. Hormones, scents, emotions, visual and auditory triggers set us off. My mom used to tell me that in order to keep a man happy, you need to be a maid in the kitchen and a slut in the bedroom, no problem there as my drive has always been high. But what happens when it's a little too high leading to dangerous ideas? Last month I was at the store, and what do you know... an attractive man was checking me out, and he sized me up in the parking lot. I minded my own business, and acted like I wasn't phased. You have to be so careful before you send the wrong signals inviting male pride into the arena. There my mind began wondering, and thought about it for the moment while I put my groceries into the car. I shrugged it off, thinking it was just that I'm a  SAHM, and not getting out much recently made me have such an impulse to even think such impure thoughts. I was a bitch in heat. I left it at that, until this morning...the article made me understand. 

It's not impulse that causes people to cheat, if it was impulse I wouldn't have survived a monogamous relationship for the last 12 years. I'm only 27 years old, I could have been with anybody, but I have strong executive control. That part of my brain knows that I'm IN love with my husband, and we have something too precious to throw away on a little thrill. It's fun to play with fire, but be careful not to get burnt. When you're in love, you don't look it as a lost opportunity, you think about it as "What the hell was I thinking?! I must need more sleep." The article states that people are more prone to infidelity when they're stressed. I realized that my wondering thoughts came at the most opportune time, because at that time, I did feel stressed. My husband was working around the clock on a project he had to deliver for work which in fact meant less time for me and the kids. It was hard for me because I don't have outside time outside of the kids, he is part of my happiness. When I'm not doing my own thing, working on my own stuff, he's my source of joy and comfort. We take our spouses for granted when we get so wrapped up in the hustle to pay the bills, and raise the kids. You don't intend to take each for granted but it happens sometimes, because there are bigger fish to fry. That's why it's especially important to take a time out to reconnect habitually,  and make up for the lapse in quality time that wasn't spent together. My thoughts will probably still wonder from time to time when I see someone attractive, it's just nice to know that I'm in control. If you read this and said that's bullshit you've never had an inkling for something outside of your relationship, then good for you, you're either lying to yourself or you probably have a higher executive control... let's hope you never experience any stress paired with alcohol. =)~ 

To check you and your partner's executive control strength click here: Stroop Task

If you wanna learn more about the science of Sex Appeal:

"An ideal wife is one who remains faithful to you but tries to be just as charming as if she weren't." -Sacha Guitry