Friday, March 8, 2013

Needing a Break...

Hey guys, I know this is the longest I've gone so far from writing. Writing has been my outlet but for some reason I've been unable to do it. I realized I'm not in a mental fog, I'm mentally "busy". I'm focused on too many things at once. For one I've been on the weight loss crunch and I'm taking on new territory; Metabolism Reset. WTF? Yea exactly. So much to learn. I've spent hours reading about it. We started packing for our move...that alone instantly puts my brain on overload. I sat here three nights in a row and I couldn't proceed. There was nothing creatively coming to me, all I could think about is how much there is to do, and about some personal issues I'm going through right now.

It doesn't help that my 3 almost 4 year old has been being rude and talking back all week. It's sucks the life out me to deal with children who don't fucking listen. I question my decision to have children all together sometime. People fuckin talk about waiting to have kids later on, but honestly it won't be any easier. Higher income or not, money doesn't solve problems such as a child blatantly disregarding what you're saying while you're blood pressure is rising. So I sat down the other night and talked to one of my best friends and she made me feel so much better. I started a new plan to deal with my daughter being rude and created a list of everything I need to get done. It was one extensive list, boy it's no wonder why I'm exhausted and truly tired at night but my mind keeps racing and keeping me from sleeping when I go lay down. Life can just beat you down sometimes.  Never underestimate the power of creating a list though.

Since I have so much to do on my list, I thought I'd come on here and give myself a chance to let my ideas flow. A child-less friend suggested I just move on as if I can just turn off stress like a light switch. Wtf...I wanted to ask her in what world does she live in but I restrained myself. My daily horoscope app told me some real shit that is too detailed to be a considered a coincidence. The jist of it was that I need to dumb down my blunt attitude because it tactlessly bruises my relationships with people, due to my intolerance to bullshit and petty small talk.

I need to know how you all are turning off stress. Last I checked this IS the key point:

I guess I shouldn't give a fuck about my toddler's behavior.
I shouldn't give a fuck about the housework being in complete chaos since we started packing. 
I shouldn't give a fuck that every bit of energy I have is sucked out of me by what pressing things need to be done for my family to function daily. 
I shouldn't give a fuck that my little one gives so much trouble with eating. Who cares if she starves right? I'm not her mother am I? As much as I wish I didn't give a fuck about these things, it engulfs me because I love my children and I love my family, nothing is more valuable than their well-being and doing the best I can do each day. If I give up they will suffer and that would be selfish of me. 

I'm gonna keep trying to be positive, and hope for the best. I'm writing things down, I'm talking about things, and I'm working on getting more rest. I've even been letting the housework go quite a bit. I need to relax and try to find a balance. Tonight I feel totally defeated, but I'll keep trying.