Monday, March 11, 2013

Unfaltering Confidence

My theme song tonight...  

I'm such a free spirited person. I don't give a fuck about what people have to say or what people think about me. Last week I was out of my goddamn element, so much my brain couldn't function and every little thing overwhelmed me. I realized that after I declined my friends' invite to come over because it's such a inconvenience to get myself together and deal with my kids. I put them to bed early at 7:30 pm for the same reason. My oldest was giving us serious attitude and she's not even 4 years old. As much as I don't care what people say about me, it would bother me if someone dared to speak badly of my child, because I'm a strict disciplinarian when it comes to behavior and manners. While what anybody thinks of me is not my business, it is my business if my child is talked about because I'm her mother, I made her and children are the future.

 If my spawn can't be a productive part of society then she's part of the problem. I spent a better half of the weekend developing different tactics and she was pretty good this weekend. I was not surprised but relieved that she did well in a public setting. We'll see how it goes, the important thing is that I've always been consistent with this kid. I hold my word to be as important as a contract. If I say I'm going to do something then I will do it. My husband says he knows I'm crazy like that.

 But as much as I am crazy like that, I expect the same from others. I can't believe in you if you're a talker who's always talking about things you'll do but never do.

I felt better after getting out, it helped me get out of my unbalanced funk. I thank my mom for the things she instilled in me. That regardless of what is going on inside and around me, I take good care of myself. I must maintain myself. Don't ever let yourself become a hot mess. (If you can't maintain your toe nail polish, then don't wear any or wear socks! That has to be my no.1 peeve lol).  Her motto is "If you look good, you feel good!" Since my new diet of trying a metabolism reset, I've regained 4 lbs. The funny part is that whether I'm at my goal weight or not, I wear clothes that are sexy because it's not about if you wore stuff like that when you were a size 2, it's about HOW you wear it at your size now. I continue to dress the confident sexy woman I've become. I used to complain about my body but after having two kids, I couldn't feel more fabulous. Sure I still have my goals but that doesn't mean I should let myself go while I'm here.

My self-esteem took a while to grow, it was being squashed a very long time ago when I couldn't love myself enough to treat myself better. Now that I have 2 ladies to raise I have to be their role model. If I want them to value their bodies.  I have to show them that it's not only about not getting "too fat", but it's about your emotional health/overall health. It's about knowing what's that number you can't go above because if you do you will lose confidence, get sloppy, and no longer feel sexy.

Women are sexual creatures that's the bottom line. I've had friends who were smart, talented, and had healthy self-esteems, but for some reason their confidence boils down to how their beauty can exude the opposite sex. You know you're hot but you only question it when a strange man is staring at you and your stomach immediately gets butterflies because you're nerves are making you coy. That's where confidence comes in. Do you look away and look back because you wanna test him to see if he's really looking at you? Or do you KNOW he is and stare back brazen while you seductively lick your lips?

I draw the line at conceitedness though, like this woman my husband and I laugh  about all the time. She stares him down relentlessly. She's a bitch for staring him down when he makes it clear he's not interested and I'm right there in fact but I can't help but give her kudos for her confidence. If she continues however I might have to scratch her eyes out, lol. It's like have some fuckin respect you know...I'm only right here!!!

"The man of genius inspires us with a boundless confidence in our own powers."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson