Monday, September 16, 2013

Will You Still Love Me When I'm No Longer Young & Beautiful?

Last week I got my first iron...I never ironed before. If something was wrinkled I'd put it in the dryer for a few mins, choose something else, or get my husband to steam it for me. I swore I would never iron, but yesterday I found myself actually enjoying it. I used to think what a horrible wife I must be for not ironing my husband's clothes but hey he comes home to a lot more than most men do. He's a lucky guy. I think I'll surprise him to nicely ironed clothes next week. I shook things up when I applied for a job and got a reply for an interview. My husband is so against it, he pitched a fit and I just smiled.  I don't really intend to go back to work right now but being impulsive gives me a thrill. You need to test yourself sometimes. Don't do shit for anybody, do it for yourself. I needed to prove to myself that I can still market myself. Keep an updated resume at all times. Just because you're home doesn't mean you don't have anything to add to your skills. If you don't have anything to add, now you know you need to find something. Pick up a new skill, stay up to date with technology. Doing something unpredictable is what I do best, if you don't you'll never know where the wind might take you.

My daughter going to school gave me something I didn't have since I was in High School... Structure. I go to sleep earlier than I did before and wake up earlier. I'm much more refreshed because there is consistency. I'm on time for the first time in my adult life. I've caught up with the laundry even! Hooray for me! While I've become a mother I've also still been a child. Some would say that's a damn shame and there's nothing to be patting myself on the back about, but all these things are what makes me different. I don't pretend to be supermom, or Mrs. Perfect. I already confessed what I do sometimes to keep my stress levels lower in a previous blog: SAHM Hacks. I've maintained my inner child while I got older. I still enjoy all the things that it means to be youthful. Feeling young is thee most awesome feeling ever, when my kids are sick though I always feel like I've aged 10 years. When you're young you don't trivialize the small stuff and laugh easily. I sing and dance daily, get excited while watching Disney movies I've seen before, oh and the joy of hearing an ice cream truck or a trip to get frozen yogurt  =). I share my childhood stories with my girls, and continue to dream and wonder with them, they bring that out in me.

Music and books are my therapy. They heal me, distract me, entertain me, inspire, motivate, and relax me. Music helps me focus. Music will keep you youthful as well. I can remember being a toddler and enjoying music. In elementary school we didn't have cable at home and wasn't allowed to go anywhere, so I spent endless hours listening to the radio and taping my favorite songs on the cassette player. My parents tried to censor my music plenty of times because they just weren't open-minded. I was going to 3rd grade one summer bored at home, listening to some salsa and merengue and my dad comes to me; "why are you listening to Spanish music? Take it off." I said "cause I like it..."and put it on really low so he couldn't hear it from the next room. Then there was the incident with my Mase poster and tape being thrown in the garbage by my mom. The other day I was compiling my fave songs based on the year and I found myself feeling like the 12 year old girl I was when I sang on the top of my lungs to Natalie Imbruglia-Torn and Paula Cole- Where Have All The Cowboys Gone. Sometimes I listen to a song and it takes me back years ago to a feeling I had during a particular life event. One song has the power to un-do years of therapy if you think about it. You can easily find yourself crying about something you thought you were over with one song. Just as easily, you can feel really good after a bad day with the right song.

Life is always changing but you don't have to change who you are, you just have to grow with it. Becoming an adult doesn't have to mean becoming boring, prudish, or being perfect. Growing wiser doesn't mean you have to grow old, but the fact is responsibilities, problems, stress and working hard will age you faster than anything else. Defeat it anyway. I always dread birthdays, but I'm going to learn to embrace them for the beautiful memories I get to make each year, and with every song I fall in a love-hate relationship with, I will keep growing vibrantly.