George Carlin: Possibly the Smartest MothaFucker...

In the last 2-3 weeks I lost track of all the goddamn things I promised myself I would do. I'm like a helpless addict who relapses repeatedly. I cannot be helped. I was going to bed steadily by 1 am and now I'm back to 4 am bedtimes.... If you keep up with my blog, how many times have you heard this? I'm always fucking myself. My exercise routine slowly dwindled down to crap. I have nobody to hold accountable but myself. I regained all the lbs lost and probably more. Self loathing doesn't even describe what happens when I lose sight of my goals.

Growing up my mom initially made us go to bed by a certain time, eventually we went to bed whenever we felt like it...I wore what I wanted, I ate when I felt like it, I did what I wanted, the only thing I didn't do was go when and where I wanted.That's about it. West Indian parents keep their daughters locked at home unless the reason is academic...Sneaking around is what girls do. We lie, we sneak around even after being busted, we have boyfriends nobody knows about, we curse, we fight, and maintain a demeanor of innocence at the same time. All because the self-discipline was never established. Parents have an inkling of what's going on but don't let on unless confronted with rumors. I recently spoke to a girl that said she and her siblings really don't lie to her parents because they feel too guilty, they were succumbed to tears after telling a white lie many times. That's the children we want to raise... I always wonder how can we raise our children to feel such a strong desire to keep the faith and trust we put in them?

Anyhow, this week I got my shit together on the workout front, but you know I realized there's a totally bigger problem, bigger than all of us while I try to do it all and stay on point. The problem stems specifically from the government and society, its a trickle down effect. People are so hung up on consumer economy. Forget about materialism, its the drive we have telling us to work and establish ourselves in society. Why do we need so much? I couldn't figure it out before until I realized we bought into it specifically last year. I thank my brother for opening my eyes to this the other day when we had a long talk discussing all kinds of politics and government. Before when we were renting I was content for the last five years of doing so, I never questioned when will we settle down, when will we do this, when will we do that... Eventually moving became too much and we needed stability for our family, but the degree to which we decided to become stable was on a large scale. The loss or lack of self-discipline comes from exactly as George Carlin said:

"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete."

There's too much truth to this...numerous things listed that I'm guilty of myself. I came from such a big and wonderful family. If someone had told me this is where we'd be 10 years ago, I'd laugh in their face and say no way...but the truth is; the way we've all been divided and scattered is unimaginable. I remained isolated, neutral to any sides and allowed the distance to grow myself. I've been focusing on my own little circle because it's not worth it. I just have to instill the ideals my matriarchal grandmother shared with all of us to my kids. Minding my own business is the best thing I can do, because there is nothing  that you can do to get through to anyone who doesn't seek out self-realization. Nobody cares, I've accepted that. We're too blind sighted by the culture of consumer economy, there's no room for change at this point. The government shutdown is proof of that.

It used to take a village to raise a child, now you have so many single people doing it alone; no help, no support system whatsoever. Even I complain a lot despite having a hands-on husband. I complain because dealing with my kids is nonstop, I'm too damn tired, I don't have the support system. We see our families only a couple times a year. Having a sitter from time to time is a breath of fresh air. Our children will never know what it's like to have an enormous family who are always there to morally support each other. For me that's the sad reality of the trickle-down effect.

Fend for yourselves.