Saturday, November 30, 2013

Facts about Female Body Image

While everybody was busy getting their shop on during Black Friday today, I was chilling at home and going through one of my favorite planners from Junior High School. In the back had a time capsule page with various entries to fill in about myself. It never hit me how insecure I was about my body and how young I was when I was filled up with self-hate. Under my goals, my first thing listed on September 14th, 1999 in which I was 12 years old was; lose 20 lbs. Wtf! I started thinking goddamn how long have I been on this dark path of obsessing with the scale? I sat there sharing tidbits from my school planner with my husband who was equally appalled that I wrote things about my weight in there from such a young age. I thought and thought and realized it all began in 3rd grade. My mom would insult me for enjoying sweets. I was always thick. My thighs touched, and I was always berated for not being where I was supposed to be. Such an unhealthy body image led me to starving myself in JHS where I only allowed myself to eat one small meal a day and binging on junk whenever I could. I don't recall ever being happy with myself no matter how thin I became. It makes me scared about what I'm gonna teach my daughters when the time comes when I haven't learned to completely love myself unconditionally either.

I saw this article and it really hit me how disturbing the content was, that I felt it needed to be shared. If not for acknowledging what our girls today are feeling, then for taking responsibility for our own negative connotations of ourselves. We are society. Does this mean we should promote obesity and that obesity is okay? Absolutely not, to promote obesity, it would be the other extreme of what we've been promoting here below. We need to promote health.

Source: Huffington Post


Friday, November 29, 2013

A Priority to be Happy: Sophrosyne

My brother is my best friend. I can tell him anything. Sometimes he might take a while to understand a point I'm getting at because of the different mindsets and experiences we've been in that shaped us and we don't see eye-to-eye; but in the end he's still my brother and I know he accepts me as I am. He's smart and funny and what I admire most about him is his ability to just be himself and do what he feels like doing. He can break something down in a black and white way and simplify a problem. As an older sister I always thought I have to be the example I have to get things right; but no, there's something I had wrong for a long time. I'm an anal person. I need to have control over my life, and while I was desperately holding on to the notion that I could actually control everything, I was controlling nothing in terms of my own happiness.

I went many years with the feeling of obligation, that I had to put everyone's needs first before my own. When I moved out during college it was the first time I "did me". It was hard but I did it, and it was thee most liberating feeling ever. I thought I was over my need to "please" until the next time and time after that, etc. It's a habit I can't quite stop doing it. Becoming a wife and mother has only made that habit worse because you naturally take better care of your family than you do of yourself.

I felt compelled lately to talk about goals more than anything else because that's what's been going on in my life and that's what I've been going back and forth with this year. I'm learning things daily about myself and about life. Sometimes I have to go to the store and it's on my mind about the things I need. I make a plan to go the very next day, but then the next day I wake up and I just don't feel like it. I say fuck it and leave it for the next day because it can wait and because well... "who gives a fuck"? If we don't have this that or the other; oh well...too bad/ so sad. Just suck it up, we will live without that item for a day or two. Needing milk for a child is one thing, but needing to go out there to buy $200 worth of groceries when you still have more than a few things in your fridge/freezer and pantry to cook is just consumerism taking over your life. Seriously, think about what compels you to spend despite the lack of a real need. Ever since I have adapted my brother's mentality about doing what makes me happy I've been this much more stress-free. Sure I have to deal with the daily time constraints of being on time to and from taking my daughter to school; I can't take her when I feel like of course. Sure I still have to be on time to Dr appointments, etc, but for the most part I do what I wanna do and if I don't want to, too bad. If' it isn't essential to my family's well-being then to hell with it. If it's essential to my goals then it better be prioritized differently.

I have another situation unfolding soon and it's causing me anxiety and pushing me back to the road of obligation, promises, and keeping my word despite the roller-coaster of my new found "do what I feel like when the time comes attitude". I'm not sure how I'll handle it, but for now I leave you with these 5 points:

  • Put yourself first. My friends and I laugh at an inside joke about the example of the plane safety rule: "Secure your own oxygen mask first before helping others." Maybe it should really be applied to life as well. 
  • Listen to your gut/Things happen for a reason: If my gut is saying stay home, it's best for me to stay home. Bad things have happened on many days I pushed myself to go places I didn't want to go because I felt obligated. Many times I have overslept, or ran late because of something and I get on the road frustrated about the unforeseen event that made me late. Low and behold there's a serious accident that just occurred, and had I been on time I would've been right in the middle of. God is great, I always pray for guidance. 
  • You don't always have to confront...yea I know what a shock that's coming from me. Sometimes the best option is avoidance. I used to confront people about everything. Now I just remove people from my FB feed so I don't see the bullshit they post that irks me and stay the hell away from stupid people. It's just easier to be quiet and far removed from bullshit. It only brings out the worst in you, whether it's anger/annoyance or idle gossip. I don't have time for it.
  • Stay positive and keep yourself occupied on the things that make you happy and productive. If you're busy working on what's important to you, you don't have time to get distracted and lose focus. 
  • Love your family. I mean really love them. Make time for them, and give them lots of affection. It's not just for them, it's your support system. No dream could ever come true without the help of others. Maybe it's one extra person or ten extra people. It doesn't matter. Acknowledge your friends, your family and give support as well. It helps reinforce the reasons behind the need for creating a better you.
Why We Shop: The Neuropsychology of Consumption

Friday, November 15, 2013

7 Ways to Detox Negativity

There's no better feeling like working on your goals that puts you in the right mindset to feel positive. Being positive isn't something you say you will do and you just happen to do each day. Shit happens. Sometimes I'm angered at least 3x a day and at that moment do you know what I do? I tell myself "you're not being positive"....followed by "fuck being positive I can't take this shit anymore, I'm fed up with being a mom, I'm tired". That's just life. Does it mean I shouldn't have had my children? For fuck's sake NO! Does it mean that just because I decided to become a mother, I should suffer at any cost? Hell NO! That's like saying women are asking to be raped by choosing to wear provocative clothing. When you're tired, hungry, and angry you lose it and it's okay, but when it's over, and the moment has passed don't forget to get back on the "be-positive wagon" we all fall off, but this time; make some changes. It's easy to feel like a failure when you're not achieving the results you expected you would. We naturally put that pressure on ourselves. I realized that last month. I never stop working on my goals. I may start and stop fitness routines, diets, etc, but I never quit altogether. I take breaks and mentally prepare myself for what I will do next, until I can find the balance between the anger, the emotional upsets, and all the things I have no control of, so I can keep going. 
I know this...but those 3 steps backward are so painful. 
Just like any junkie... you need to detox your life of any negativity. How can I continue to be positive and achieve my goals if nothing is changing?  How can I become a positive person if my thoughts and actions are negative?

Thanks for sharing this Michael!

1) The Goal Book: In a past post titled: 10 Steps to Doing You... I mentioned a goal book. Get a brand spanking new composition notebook and put all the things you need to do in order to achieve your goals. Give yourself deadlines, daily to-do lists, quotes to keep you going, etc. This book is dedicated to your own self-discovery. Don't forget to jot down all your thoughts, ideas, passions, talents, strengths and weaknesses.

2) Remove or limit time spent with/talking people who drain your energy or put you in a negative funk. When I'm detoxing my life even if it's for days or a week, I stay away from talking to anyone; I remain with my nuclear family and turn the world off. You don't need people to detox your life of negativity; you need to be alone with your thoughts to gain clarity.

3) Music is a MUST! For any emotion and chance of perseverance, music is therapy.

4) Write positive affirmations and or quotes on your bathroom mirror with eyeliner. Currently my bathroom mirror keeps reminding me to: Breathe, Focus, Work Harder, and that I will get there. Messages to my sweetie make him feel good too ;)

5) Take Action: Care for your body, mind, and soul. Fuck "Eat, Pray, Love". Do: "Read, Pray, Exercise". If you love yourself you will eat healthy, treat yourself, and do whatever it takes to be positive. I was waiting for some lab results for the last three weeks. All I did since was read my novels, pray, meditate on God,  think about what it means to become self-realized, and exercise because it does the mind and body good and because it makes you feel like you're in control of something when you're in control of nothing. I experienced worry and fear like anyone but I remained strong, and focused all my energy on these positive actions. Time didn't stop like it did for me before, when the results came back okay I just celebrated life and prayed some more. I'm gonna continue to Read, Pray, Exercise.

6) "Like" positive pages on Facebook and create a Pinterest account to pin up things that inspire, excite, motivate, or uplift you. My current FB feed is clogged by all my liked pages in addition to 500+ friends' posts. My friends be like: "didn't you see....? No! I didn't dammit. I'm on FB a lot but people don't understand when you "like" so much shit on FB it's almost impossible to see everything people post. Likewise, if you don't have the heart to remove toxic people, or people who irk you, or bring out your bad sides, remove them from your news feed. I do that all the time =x. Social media can be a tool that reinforces you in being positive. If you hate social media, create a vision board.

7) Make changes to your daily habits that reinforces you to be positive. I know my kids will suck the life out of me while I cook. I like to enjoy the act of taking my time cooking even if it's mixing my bread dough, or dicing onions. If I have to turn around and scream at them every 2 minutes, it makes me upset and feel frustrated leading to my own cognitive meltdown, so I plan around it. I put them in the playroom, give them a snack, put on their fave movie, put on music for them to dance, or give them something they don't get to do every day. I also used to be horrible with the laundry but once I got on top of not letting it pile up I was happier that I did, felt positively about myself and kept our house even neater which became a cycle of being productive and feeling good.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

13 Reasons Why Women Wear Makeup

About a month ago, a guy on FB was like "Why do women insist on wearing so much makeup?...Most of ya'll look somewhat decent without it". He is not the first guy asking that question nor will he be the last. I mean nobody is a fan of fake, or ridiculously heavy makeup, but again it's a transformation that makes you get noticed and stand out. I happen to love makeup, I mean not anything extreme like packing it on so deep that you can take it off with a spoon, but light foundation/powder, prettied up eyes, and magnificent lips. If you're naturally flawless good for you, but when you get tired of being plain ole "Anne" there's so much that you can do to spice things up. As a makeup enthusiast myself, I just wanted to put it out there for anyone wondering.

  1. It's in style, fashion is about attractiveness.
  2. The media makes us feel like we have to be flawless. Whether it's uneven skin or acne, we're all hiding some kind of imperfection that we're self-conscious of.
  3. Maybe we have a low self esteem; we weren't told we're beautiful enough growing up
  4. It feels so feminine.
  5. The greatest iconic women modeled such behavior.
  6. It feels so natural to wear it even though its farthest from natural. 
  7. Pictures look so exceptional! 
  8. It's about feeling really good and put together more than anything... 
  9. Sometimes I'm at home and I feel blah, the easiest way to turn that around is to put some lipstick on and wear something nice. I do it for myself not for anyone else.
  10. Who doesn't like sex appeal? It's just as hot as stockings, heels, and polished nails while giving a guy head on a porno film right?
  11. It's learned behavior, I grew up watching my mom put it on and couldn't wait for the day that I would do the same. My daughters now watch me doing it too. 
  12. Even my kids are like "oh wow that's pretty mommy!!" There's nothing like makeup to feel so oo-la-la-glamorous. It's just being different.  
  13. My momma taught me that you should always be put together. Just because you feel like a hot mess doesn't mean you shouldn't look like one. When you see a hot girl you don't think long term and expect her to fall apart, but shit happens over the years. My man should not come home to a woman who has let herself go and become a complete slob. Weight gain happens, wrinkles, boobs going south, bodies changing, etc. The way we feel is defined by the way take care of ourselves, big or small a woman should still keep herself in check like she did when the boys were whistling.

 ;) If you have Facebook, come check me out and like my page! https://www.facebook.com/MizzMichelle

Thursday, November 7, 2013

The Cute Guy on the Next Block

One winter there was this guy who had the whole bad boy look goin' on. He had swag, he had valor the way he carried himself, he had dark intense eyes. Just my type. He asked me out and I said yes right away. He had been watching me for a while every time he walked down the block. After I said yes, I started getting to know him. I only liked what I saw. He grew on me like a leach.  It wasn't even weeks when the poetry seemed like it would never end. He seemed like he was almost 1 second close to hiring a mariachi band to serenade me by my window when I decided enough was enough. I couldn't find the chemistry when we spoke or when I read those love letters. So I ended it. Just like that. The tears this dude wept were sad not because a man shouldn't cry but because they were so uncalled for. It hadn't even been that long, why are you fuckin' crying like we were meant to be? We've never even been intimate which is worse because if there was a chance of getting back together that definitely blew it. I don't want a man that cries more than I do. Fuck, I cry easily, if you're going to be crying all the time who's gonna hold me and make me feel better when I'm crying?...If we had been intimate and we're in love, then I look forward to all the affection,  and spilling of tears and emotions in a passionate way. Not only did I have to lie to him to get him to stop crying, but I had to give him false hope. Do you think a man crying over nothing could be a very good lay?

"A weak man can't handle a strong woman, he doesn't know what to do with her." 

It's no wonder why I couldn't wait to get away from that dude, he didn't even wait until I was enchanted by his magic before he unleashed that much. I didn't feel as strongly as he did. He wasn't the first guy to become horribly emotional over me breaking it off either. I wanted a man. A man in every sense of the word. The three other fellas also got to the point of becoming so emotional in such a short period of time, each of them unleashing their fury on me with spite afterwards. I was young and exploring, I toyed with their feelings and ran when it was convenient. When I did run it was always in the direction of the next charming guy, which was the most ironic thing because I was faced with total assholes after that. Karma I guess, but it surely taught me a lesson about appreciating the guys who genuinely got hurt. I reflected on that so much that when I found the total package, he became the love of my life I didn't let him go that easily. 

If I hurt you, please know that I'm genuinely sorry. We live and we learn. I can't say I would've done things differently because every step led me to where I am now and I'm so grateful. 

                     Cliché-like but true.

I read these articles and fell in love with it, it's a MUST READ! It's important if you have a relationship or ever want to be in a relationship. 

The Best Kept Secret of Highly Successful Couples

"I tried carrying the weight of the world
But I only have two hands
Hope I get the chance to travel the world
But I don't have any plans
Wish that I could stay forever this young
Not afraid to close my eyes
Life's a game made for everyone
And love is a prize."