Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Bohemian Anxiety Girl Here

I've been tired as shit and going to bed early these days. Even when I come online, I've been unable to share some posts. I know my potential to write great posts is there, but it's extremely difficult to stay on task. Goals are important to me. Sure we don't leave the world any richer regardless of whatever material gains we acquire in life, but it's a matter of determination, discipline and control over your thoughts and actions that lead to self-realization or moksha. I wish I could be free. Free from responsibilities, or anything that bounds me to time, but you can't be goal oriented and care-less at the same time.

 Through our daily efforts towards our goals we grow, we experience, and then life will test your beliefs. I've been talking about having faith and being positive for so long that the time finally came for me to be tested. For two long weeks I waited patiently for medical test results. The real test was of my faith, my strength, my potential to be positive and patient through it all. Did I go crazy? Hell yea, there were times I thought I'd run mad, or burst into tears at the thought of being sick or dying because I'm so scared to die and I have so much to live for.

That middle part makes me shiver...
If you're going through a rough time like I've been, it's a struggle to stay positive. Keep your mind focused on your goals and the things you absolutely love. Sometimes the means to the end don't work out. I'm trying to be flexible and let go of the things I can't change. It restores my faith in God and all the great things I want to experience.

I can be positive all week and then all ova sudden it's like BAM! Something else is bothering me like this whole shit with Ebola. I'm becoming hypochondriac girl. I get so fuckin' scared about everything and start going into disaster planning mode. Too much "Walking Dead"? Probably. I'm even applying for my little one's passport this weekend...My husband's like "when you're done panicking you can find me right here; working". As usual, he's so damn calm and collective. (Secretly I'm jealous of his cool confidence and it sometimes makes me really horny =x). He doesn't have time for my shenanigans even though I keep him entertained and up to date with what's the next big thing that's about to take down humanity and the world as we know it. This is another reason we need weed to be legal in FL. I just wanna mellow out sometimes, just a tad bit.

The summer went by fairly quickly. I read some great books and had awesome people over, got much needed rest, and spent a lot of quality time with the kids doing things. It was like I blinked and it's over, my older daughter is now entering kindergarten shortly. With the new schedule and having only my youngest to take care of during the day, I hope to be here full time with new and exciting posts to share. I've been slacking of course, but if there's one thing about me of all my busy body tendencies, it's that I never give up. Here's a little perspective a FB friend was able to give me if you're staying up to date on Ebola. Anxiety girl was able to calm down a little. On the real though, I think my anxiety is the result of loving and living a happy and abundant life and never wanting to know anything different.