Sunday, August 24, 2014

Silent STRESS: Type A Personalities/Moms Can Relate

I'm a very observant person, I always see people driving, or walking somewhere and I start to wonder what their lives are like. My imagination wanders aimlessly sometimes. I feel things very deeply. I've driven by car crashes and have been in tears upon the sight of the crash wondering about the people and their families involved. I was an extra sensitive person since I was a child. I'm not sure what makes me feel things so intensely but I'm easily moved and easily angered. If I'm not self-aware, I take on too much and end up in a very dark place in life. The other day, I was in the grocery store and I saw a pretty couple at the end of the aisle with their two children. I admired the family. As I got closer I took a look at the woman's face, and realized she wasn't as young as she looked from far away. She was still pretty, but she had a bit of fine lines in her face, makeup nicely done, maybe they were wrinkles but she definitely looked older. Looking at the family they weren't an old family, their oldest looked about 8 or 10 yrs old?  From her tone, she just wanted to get what she was there for, her husband was looking laid back and fresh as a daisy, she didn't even see me when I walked past her. I could feel her STRESS...

Say the word and it really has no affect on what/how we think or how we feel. It will roll off your tongue without effect. Nobody takes that shit seriously. Until you're dealing with a child throwing a tantrum and you feel steam coming out of your ears while your other child keeps saying Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom! We hear about "stress kills", we hear people say "don't stress"...."Calm down". Been there done that, until the next thing you know you're under pressure trying to get a million things done, things are not going as you planned, and you're fuckin' fuming at this rate. You're grinding your teeth, maybe you're slamming doors, or maybe you're just cursing and you don't give a shit who's around or who's not. How can this be happening? You carefully planned the day and woke up with this great attitude, feeling productive and everything is getting fucked up!

I looked at that woman and for about another 15 minutes, I felt sad for her. Maybe I was making up my own story about her, hell maybe I was just sad because seeing her made me wonder about my own future. To make myself get out the funk I said well maybe she's a smoker, smoking can seriously do that to your face...but so can stress.

Stress is fucking you up. SERIOUSLY.... It's wreaking havoc in your mind, your body, spiritually, emotionally...Who can be positive when your nerves are shot? That's the last thing you want to hear.

Here's the thing about stress; Everything gives you stress! Whether it's being late, being stuck in traffic, getting upset because you stumped your toe, relationships, children, fussing over your hair, deadlines, negative people, negative environments, the weather, etc. Everything is stress. The good news it that it's all about how you cope with stress if you don't cope with the stress it just gets balled up in your body and presents itself as inflammation or it can be reflected with hair loss, weight gain, sleep disturbances, eating habits, choices, heart health...basically disturbing any or every aspect of your body and life. The stress hormone cortisol is released every time you're stressed. If your body is dumping out lots and lots of cortisol and you don't find ways to deal with the stress such as taking steps to reduce stress and promote relaxation/lower cortisol levels then that's when it becomes a big problem and it will show up in your body as disease, maybe not right away but over time.

I read about stress back prehistorically when we were cavemen and the stress was a fight or flight response. Like if you're in danger , you ran and worked that adrenaline off. However, today's day and age is not the same. We're not running away from bears or tigers, our stress is completely mental. It's from outside factors. The pressures of life is what causes stress and that's the kind of stress we're not running off to counteract it's effects right away. We're not coping with our flight or fight response well at all. It just builds up.

This past week was the first week of school, my daughter started Kindergarten. Change takes a toll on me. Things are always changing but I don't handle transitions well. Right now so many other things are on my mind and I feel like I'm circling the drain. The darkness is filling up inside me again. I need a breather, an escape, a fucking distraction right now. It takes time, but I'm not sure how much, it all depends.

Everybody is going through their own personal versions of hell. I was talking to a friend about hair loss because I've been through it. It's all the same, stress because of shit we can't control. It's like I have to keep finding ways to distract myself. I go through the same shit all the time, every day sometimes. My husband tells me "well look that's why your hair falls out because you can't just let go, why does one thing have to ruin the day? I honestly think that's just from having a Type A personality and I don't really know how to change that aspect. I have standards, things need to be a certain way. My older daughter is becoming just like me, she just had a fit the other day because I opened her book-bag to go through the daily communication folder her teacher sends. She started jumping up and down and crying/yelling that I wasn't supposed to go in there because I ruined her art surprise she made for me. There I was preaching "calm down it's OK", when I act the same way when some shit don't go my way.

You have no choice but to keep on going. There is no giving up. Sometimes we triumph and sometimes we lose. I will tell you next time though, how it is I keep going, and what helps me get past all the things that stress me the fuck out. This post is already too long to include it. Nobody makes it out alive, I was just hoping to be the youthful and radiant old lady when I go.