Monday, October 20, 2014

Sexy Health: Sex is Good for You (Infographic)

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Happily Ever After?

When I was a little girl, I thought my dream was to meet Prince Charming and get married and ride off into the sunset. I went to all my cousins' weddings dreaming of my own since they were in their early to mid-20's when I was about to hit my teens. They all started having beautiful babies and my brother and I being the youngest cousins around would always be so excited to play with them. Naturally, I was already a rebel and in the quest to grow up fast. By the time I was 15, I already had my whole future mapped out.

Logically, I understand that in the material world we're living in, we get what we want, and then we don't want it anymore, because everything in life is temporary. The cycle continues and it's time to want for something else.

Sometimes I'm not sure what I want anymore. I don't want anything, and I want everything. 
The last 6-8 weeks have been so stressful. Since my husband last left to his business trip in end of August for three days, I was dreading this week long conference he's been at. There were a bunch of things I had already made commitments to doing and even when it seemed impossible I still pulled through. My husband has been working nonstop. Evenings, nights, and weekends weren't spared on this very big important project. The deadline was fast approaching and he had no choice but to keep working around the clock. As you might know, any uproar in your home, positive, negative or neutral will throw your family's dynamic off. It could be the holidays, kids getting sick, house guests, monkey wrenches thrown in your plans, a vacation, back to back events, etc. Time is always running out and there's always so much to get done on top of those things.

A midst our strained family life that's when we had a sick family member, and then my grandpa was on life support. After my grandpa was taken off life support he lived through it. We all thought it was really the end. He was moved to hospice and since then we've all been waiting for the final word to prepare for the inevitable funeral arrangements as he's just slowly deteriorating. I had a religious function already planned before all this since July and I feel like it was a test of my faith whether to persevere or cancel. I would've liked to cancel, but that was easy street. If my grandpa had passed before my event or the day of, it would've been like all my hard work of week long physical, mental, and emotional energy and efforts would have been wasted. It was a test of my determination, devotion, and strength. The lesson was to be devoted to spiritual advancement regardless of whether or not your efforts will be futile. Strive. Persevere. Be Thankful.

I've been struggling to be positive. I'm running around taking care of the kids, trying to stay on top of the housework, the laundry, the cooking, and then we're not spending quality time together as a family, so that's causing me to pick up the slack with the kids. To spend more time with them because they want to be with their Dad who can't give them more than a few mins here and there is more than exhausting for me. I find myself getting angry more often. We had a big fight a few weeks back. Hurtful words were said. The kids, are misbehaving more, demanding more. Motherhood is hard. I've always been content with life, and been extremely grateful, but these past weeks I feel burned out and I question the decisions I made in life. At the end of every one of their meltdowns or my own, I walk slowly through hell asking;  Do I love my kids? Absolutely. Should I have ever had children? No. Would I have done everything the same exact way knowing and going through everything up to this very point? No. 

I guess that's what happens when you put people under fire, and under pressure. They explode, they lash out at you, they ask why? They blame themselves, they feel horrible about themselves, they feel like they've failed, then they question if they should have made a better choice that would've avoided the current woes they're going through, and then...? It's a process. What you do next is what matters. This was a test of my marriage because these type of life pressures will either make two people grow closer, or break two people apart. This was a test of motherhood, because I'm given the choice to keep trying my best and giving my all to these girls even when every fiber of my being really wants to run and my spirit is broken.

Ask me the same questions above next week, or next month during the Holidays when things have returned to my sense of normal. Ask me the same questions when my husband will be free and back to spending quality time with us and I am getting the much needed breaks I deserve. Do you ever ask why when you're having fun?

Some may think it's being "needy" or "clingy" to want your family together and spending lots of quality time together, as one of my friends sometimes sarcastically asks me "what is enough time together for you? My question to you is; What is happiness? What makes a great relationship? Can you ever have too much Love?

I read Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist", and it was an amazing story. Some people will read it and think "WTF?" because the book got a lot of hype. I was taken back at first. I finished the book this week, and it couldn't have been completed at a better time. I learned the lessons I was being tested on. I was so focused on the goal, I didn't realize the journey is just as important or maybe even more important. I'm praying for patience.

If you find this magic, maybe "The Alchemist" might be for you. 

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Topic of the Week: Sex Starvation

I've been reading all these articles recently on sex. I wasn't looking for them, they just came up out of no where. I couldn't decipher between the best one to share because they were all equally good. This is a topic I can only speak for myself. From talking to others and reading about people's experiences I infer that women are not getting enough sex, or perhaps they're not getting enough good sex to be motivated to want it 24/7 like men are stereo-typically thought to. Desire is lacking today after the "I Do's". It was there before the wedding and the kids, but got lost somewhere after.

What do I consider "good sex"? Well, I'd say the kind where you both can't get up right away because you're so spent and blown away by what just took place and your climax left you feeling like you could fall asleep immediately if not putting you on a whole other level of relaxation. You can't help but smile all day, you spend the day reflecting and replaying it over and over in your mind while feeling the desire build up again.

What's the problem with desire? Well from what I'm gathering it's; busy schedules, kids, kids in the bed, self-conscious body image related thoughts, the lack of sleep, communication, and compromises, being tired, feelings of ambivalence towards a mate you've been arguing with, unresolved conflicts, stress, feeling bloated, finances, etc. Do those things happen on my end? Of course we experience those things. The difference is that we don't make sex a chore, it's a fun spontaneous thing you look forward to, and do to reconnect and relax. Intimacy is important and healthy for you as an individual. While intimacy doesn't always mean sex, they both go hand in hand. Sex isn't the only thing there is in life, it's not the most important thing, but it is a very essential part of living a healthy and happy life.

Posted by a man of course, lol, and OK maybe a
little extreme, but could there be some truth in a lesser degree? 
After nearly 14 years together, 6 of 'em married and two kids, things haven't simmered down. They've heated up and are left boiling on the stove sometimes overflowing. One friend said I'm a natural whore, maybe so, but there's nothing wrong with having a big appetite sexually. I have a fiery personality and a very passionate disposition. The sensual physicality of it is how I am able to express myself, and feel balanced. Another friend who got married recently asked me "so how many times do you guys have sex now?" I was very honest, I can't say its definitely 3-5x a week, sometimes its once a week, sometimes its 3-4x a day, sometimes its a whole week, sometimes I service him, or he services me. Sometimes it's none!

People like numbers. We can draw conclusions about what we can see and quantify.  The truth is, it's not about how much, it's about quality, intimacy, intensity, and most of all it's about the desire.

Sometimes you can't get your hands off each other, sometimes you're bored, sometimes you're hugging each other and having pillow-talk and it becomes a sensual passionate thing, sometimes its animal-like, lusty, hungry, and needy, sometimes it's to workout anger and frustration after a long day, sometimes it's to just look into each other's eyes and be one and make that person feel how much you adore them. Whatever the reason it's never a good idea to close yourself to your spouse when they need you the most.

Sexuality is artistic, it's creative, it's unique each time, it's healing emotionally, and spiritually, not just a mental and physical expression. 

So after a long day, it's important to reconnect. Even if you're tired, you owe it to yourself and your partner to be present, to be available. Does this mean the responsibility of it falls on women? Of course it does. If he's seeking you out, don't turn him down. I mean how many times can a person keep saying "No" a week? A month? If you're sick or something that's one thing, and if he's abusing your limits every week then that's another story. However, a hardworking faithful husband, wonderful father, and best friend should be taken cared of sexually. Love is not selfish. Be a Giver. See: Givers vs. Takers vs. Matchers

3 Valid Points I've Gathered

1) The more you give, the more you get. Oxytocin is the bonding hormone, released when we physically engage with others through hugs, kisses, orgasms, and even during breastfeeding. Men are less likely to cheat with higher levels of Oxytocin. The more they love, and receive platonic affection, the higher their oxytocin levels. However, orgasms isn't enough to keep levels of Oxytocin high. It rises and falls afterwards. Single ladies: don't give up the cookie until you've created this lasting bond.

2) Don't get stuck in the same old boring routine.  Being comfortable is great, but like all things in life: everything only in moderation. Don't get too comfortable wearing those sweats and tees, it's habit-forming. Men appreciate beauty just like we do. Don't let yourself go and make the kids be everything. Check this Tinder date conversation out between Derek & Jules. It starts off sweet but then says a lot. --->

3) When he committed his entire life to you, and you don't give the pussy up it's like bait and switch tactics. Mean, unfair, and cruel. A sure way to build up resentment. So live and let live. There's always something new to learn. Try to be open minded.

       [Lol I love Ari...]
The brain needs the heart, the heart needs the blood, the blood needs nutrients. Vitality is interconnected. Individuals and relationships need all the components to thrive. They're dependent on each other. 

Where is sex on your priority list?

 Juicy Stuff: 

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

When Love Starts to Hurt: Domestic Violence

There are countless ways to abuse a person. Emotionally/mentally, physically, sexually...We all hear the stories daily. At this point I think it's become somewhat normal. Something people see and don't think much about because there's so much of it, we're desensitized, until it hits close to home or the story is disturbing enough. I've seen and heard of domestic violence during different times of my life and to me it's all the same, just different people. It always hits close to home.

Imagine you fall in love, it's the most beautiful thing, you're sharing the most intimate parts of yourself with someone special, you're vulnerable, you're excited, and suddenly you're scared. You're hoping that it's just this once, but then it happens again... and again. He's sorry I'm sure he is, but promises get broken, and your dreams and spirit get broken and you're stuck in a never-ending cycle. You're trapped, emotionally and physically. Mentally you're in a tired fog, unmotivated and unsure what to do. There's children involved, there are bills, legal entanglements, there's a financial burden and entrapment, there's the lack of support, and the minuscule day to day tasks feel insurmountable. You're essentially all alone, and you've got little ones to take care of. Fear alone is enough to keep you where you are. Acceptance will soon crawl in. This is the realities women are living. At some point the will to survive will be questioned.

A friend from High School has been going through domestic violence for the last 12 years in silence. She has decided to take a stand and fight back breaking that silence and she's doing so courageously. She's a SAHM working on her own business designing and crafting cosmetic bags, zip bags, monogram gift bags, clutches, and various cases/covers for electronic devices. I know her personally and I vouch for her work. There's a problem though. Walking away isn't so simple or without hardships. She's got three beautiful little girls depending on her.

That's why today I'm asking you all, SAHMs, friends, G+ communities, please donate to her cause and share this if you care. Helping spread the word will get her closer to her goals. Domestic violence can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, income, or other factors.

Please donate whatever you can. Every $1.00 counts. If I am able to get at least $1.00 from every 100 readers, that $100 would at least help her with her rent, utilities, or her business expenses. If you are able to donate more, she will send you one of her special tokens of appreciation bags.

Click Here to Donate Now!

If you'd like to see some of her bags and would rather show support by making a purchase:

FB Pagehttps://www.facebook.com/SandraSmithHandmade  

Domestic Abuse Facts:

The Victims

  • 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
  • Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.
  • Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men
  • Women ages 20 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
  • Every year, 1 in 3 women who is a victim of homicide is murdered by her current or former partner

The Families

  • Every year, more than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes.
  • Children who live in homes where there is domestic violence also suffer abuse or neglect at high rates (30% to 60%).
  • A 2005 Michigan study found that children exposed to domestic violence at home are more likely to have health problems, including becoming sick more often, having frequent headaches or stomachaches, and being more tired and lethargic.
  • A 2003 study found that children are more likely to intervene when they witness severe violence against a parent – which can place a child at great risk for injury or even death.

The Circumstances

  • Domestic violence is most likely to occur between 6 pm and 6 am.
  • More than 60% of domestic violence incidents happen at home.

The Consequences

  • According to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families.
  • In New York City, 25% of homeless heads of household became homeless due to domestic violence.
  • Survivors of domestic violence face high rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks, and other emotional distress.
  • Domestic violence contributes to poor health for many survivors.  For example, chronic conditions like heart disease or gastrointestinal disorders can become more serious due to domestic violence. 
  • Among women brought to emergency rooms due to domestic violence, most were socially isolated and had fewer social and financial resources than other women not injured because of domestic violence.
  • Without help, girls who witness domestic violence are more vulnerable to abuse as teens and adults.
  • Without help, boys who witness domestic violence are far more likely to become abusers of their partners and/or children as adults, thus continuing the cycle of violence in the next generation.
  • Domestic violence costs more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work, medical and mental health treatment, and lost productivity at companies.

#1 FACT:

Most domestic violence incidents are never reported.
Help change the facts. Speak up, speak out, and make a difference for victims of domestic violence.

How to Make a Difference

Give victims of domestic violence the support they deserve.

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-7233   







Understanding the Signs: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm

NYC Victim Resources: http://manhattanda.org/resources-victims-domestic-violence

Related VIDEO:One photo a day in the worst year of my life: The only words you see are at the end of the video, in Croatian: “Help me, I don’t know if I will make it until tomorrow.” 

Related VIDEO: #dontcoveritup

Related VIDEO: Children Removed from Abusive Homes

This will break your heart...

Thanks for your kindness and consideration in advance <3