Friday, November 27, 2015

Inside the White Picket Fence

Lately I feel like I've really dropped the ball. With everything. I'm struggling with a whole set of emotions ranging from a wide variety of issues. I was questioning life. In the last two months I've lost my shit quite a few times. Have you ever reached a moment of clarity during your darkest moments? Why do we always seem to reach all these strange epiphanies when we're confused? Music is my escape as usual, but this time these songs really spoke to me.

" A city of justice, city of love peace for everyone of us....Next door to happiness is sadness"

How true is this? Lately the highs and lows of my life are like running back and forth between happiness and sadness. This has been too much to bear because I don't require much, I live a very simple life, anything that complicates things becomes overwhelming for me. Simple things like grocery shopping has been stressing me because half the time I don't know what I should cook anymore. I'm going through a hormonal imbalance that left me with severe cystic acne and no choice but to try birth control. I feel defeated as I have been against drugs and synthetic chemicals in my body for so long. I think of all the causes of people needing birth control aside from pregnancy and it's all environment related. A topic near and dear to my experiences, but let's not even open that jar.

I want Utopia...what else is new? 

When I was very young
Nothing really mattered to me
But making myself happy
I was the only one
Now that I am grown
Everything's changed
I'll never be the same
Because of you
Nothing really matters
Love is all we need
Everything I give you
All comes back to me
Looking at my life
It's very clear to me
I lived so selfishly
I was the only one
I realize
That nobody wins
Something is ending
And something begins
Nothing takes the past away
Like the future
Nothing makes the darkness go
Like the light

You're shelter from the storm
Give me comfort in your arms
We choose our life. Women have the power, and sometimes we lose that control when we follow our hearts and let the fire inside consume us. Love is so multifaceted. Love is an angry turbulent monster. I crave the tenderness of it all, and I fear the loss of control I experience when I'm buried by it. I miss the carefree days when I had complete control over my future and I had options. Freedom to just do whatever I want with nobody to care for and anybody to pass the time. Society and marriage does this to you, the dreams of the big beautiful house, and the white picket fence and happy smiling good babies, the sensation of his skin against yours, and the sweet smells of your home and the love inside.
When I love someone or something I love the fuck out of it, but when I'm cold I'm unbreakable. My moment of clarity came when I realized that what used to be my strength became my weakness. Love is all that really mattered to me. The past couple months being as stressful as it was caused me to question a lot of my core values. Growing up as a little girl I think a lot of the messages we receive surrounds "finding true love", nurturing people and things, caring more about others than ourselves, and Disney themed dreams. According to Disney it's: Follow your heart vs. using your brain. I'm guilty of singing "A dream is a wish your heart makes" with my girls too. I got to thinking the other day when my friend said that we would go so far in life if we didn't have so many feelings.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Aztec Secret Indian Healing Clay Review

This year I spent a lot of time soul searching, and talking about feelings and relationships. I haven't fallen off the holistic wagon although I'm now very certain that sulfate-free shampoos wasn't for me as my hair continued to get worse until I went back to sulfates. In the last year I've lost 25 lbs. from a methodical diet, metabolism reset approach I'll talk about later. This past weekend I broke out in hives from head to toe after taking a week of antibiotics for a serious bout of acne breakouts. My dermatologist had prescribed them earlier this year but I was able to go without taking them until this month. I am allergic to four antibiotics now. I was hesitant on taking them for so long that when this breakout happened it was so horrendous I caved in because I felt like I really had no choice. I've been on the holistic wagon for so long and when things happen that break my spirit down I start to question myself and intuitions that maybe my Dr. does know more, maybe they are trained professionals who know better and western medicine is the way. I sucked my teeth and drank the pills feeling defeated.

Here I am still having spotted hives 3 days past the last dosage of antibiotics, defeated still, but this time a little hopeful. I know I will get through this time and have my beautiful High School skin back one day, if I don't give up hope. This is the 1 product that gives me hope. I'm not a licensed Dr. or expert so please try my suggestions with caution. For me I don't have anything to lose since my breakouts are pretty crazy. Of all the things I'd strongly recommend it's this clay, I've been using it since May. This product review has been long overdue. Holistic health is the only way. I have to remember that every time I wanna succumb to pills and expensive creams. I'm not saying pills and creams don't work it's just at what cost? Pills/creams today, kidney failure tomorrow. That is the future.

This bentonite clay mask  is mixed with Raw Organic Apple Cider Vinegar and washed off after it dries (15-20 mins). It's the absolute best mask I've ever done, hands down. My breakouts are still there, and probably will continue to be as they're hormonal breakouts and possibly diet-related as all inflammation in the body tends to be but for now, this is my savior. Sure I could just go on birth control to solve the problem until I've created five other problems I'm not in the mood to deal with but I just rather not. I'm just gonna stick to this clay because it's the only thing that truly helps.
I get almost everything from Amazon. Their description says: "Aztec secret Indian healing clay clays have been used for centuries to beautify and refresh when used as a facial mask. Cleopatra used clay from the Nile River and the Arabian Desert over 1800 years ago, as part of her beauty ritual. German and roman spas have been using clay packs and treatments in the spas they built 4,000 years ago. Many of these spas still exist and use clay even today. Pliney the elder devoted an entire chapter of his natural history" to the many uses of clay for pimples, black heads and skin tightening. Many famous naturopaths, such as kuhn, just and kneipp have contributed to the revival of the uses of clay through their natural treatments for arthritus and skin ailments. Aztec Indian healing clay a brief history - the world’s most powerful facial the use of clay with apple cider vinegar can be dated back to the southern French priest of the16th century, kneipp, and his natural treatments using clay packs and poultices. Throughout history the use of clay, specifically green clay or bentonite, is well documented. To learn more about clay, look for "our earth our cure" by Raymond Dexteit, translated by Michel Abehsera in your local health food store or book store. Aztec secret Indian healing clay is bentonite clay from Death Valley, California, where it is sun- dried for up to six months in temperatures that sometimes reach 134 degrees. Facials, acne, body wraps, clay baths, foot soaks, chilled clay for knee packs and insect bites. Enjoy the benefits of clay in your own home. Beautify and refresh."
  • Helps with reducing redness and size of pimples. 
  • Helps them dry out. 
  • Heals skin and great for mosquito/ant/bug bites. I've put it on my kids, it takes the itch right out for the most part.  
  • You can literally feel the difference, pulsing and tightening. 
  • Deep pore cleaning and pore tightening. 
  • It's made with 100% natural calcium bentonite clay 
  • Does not contain: Additives, fragrances, animal products 
  • Inexpensive $6-$10 
  • Easy to mix with ACV. (Use wooden or plastic bowl/utensils only) 
  • It got 4.5 stars out of 6,000 reviewers.     
  • Some people have used bentonite clay internally, ingested with water to reverse arthritis and many other autoimmune diseases, but I haven't gone that far and advise that you seek out a certified naturopath before doing so. I would need to do further research before trying it myself.                                                                                                                                   

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Before 30...

Hey everyone! It's pretty much the end of September already! Can you believe?! This entire year has flown by me. I can't tell you where it went, but I can tell you I made the best of it. I'm always meaning to make more posts but time escaped me. A lot of the things I did recently was Planning. Planning is a big part of my life. I know that "man plans and God laughs" but planning is crucial to goals and self-development. It's important to assess where you are, and where you want to be and plan to get there. Last December I made a list of all the things I wanted to accomplish, and got to it. Some things were:
  • Lose 10 lbs, of course this is always a goal. ✔️
  • Read 15 books by Dec 31, 2015‼️ Only 9/15 so far... ⚠️:soon:
  • Work on my gardening skills ✔️
  • Get involved in a community based nonprofit organization ⚠️:soon:?
  • Get a room in my home started ✔️ 
  • Finish the last few parts of a previous room I started until it's time to start Phase 2 of a bigger project plan ✔️
  • Proactively work on our finances and save more ✔️
  • Get our fence up in the backyard ✔️
  • Spend all my remaining time with or keeping in touch with my family and friends. ✔️
  • Have lots of fun ✔️
  • Stop worrying so much ⚠️ :soon:? 
  • Work on blog posts. ⚠️:soon:?
  • Paint a space in our home all by myself ✔️
  • Get rid of any clutter in closets and home. ⚠️ :soon: almost done

When I read stuff like this  --->
 I cant help but think back. I had it all figured out from very young. Now I'm not sure I know what's next...

Now that it's September and I'm assessing what's done and what isn't. I hadn't realized that I also had a list of things I wanted to do before 30 that aren't done as well!! =( Some things I wanted to do before 30 that were years and years in the making were:
  • Get my H.S. body back.... 10 more lbs. away! ⚠️ :soon:
  • Get my tattoos... maybe next year I'll do this... still undecided. ⚠️:soon:?
  • Close up shop for babies. ✔️
  • Become vegetarian ⚠️?
  • Become more spiritual.
  • Become care-free again, with blind faith. Grow more but without losing my childish free-spirit. ⚠️:soon:? 
  • Grow my career. Whatever that is... it's definitely growing in entrepreneurship and personal branding. ✔️
  • Stable home, no more moving around so much ✔️
  • Start and raise a family ✔️
  • Have a phenomenal romantic relationship ✔️
  • Pay attention to Self-care, Self-love, Self-awareness ✔️
  • Become Diet, Exercise, Nutritionally Savvy. ✔️
  • Learn how to Sew things from curtains to clothes. ⚠️ 
  • Learn how to speak Spanish fluently ⚠️
  • Learn how to make better cakes ⚠️
  • Learn more patience, tolerance, & time management ⚠️
  • Take a few classes both educational and for fun ⚠️
I started to get overwhelmed last week when I realized it was September and so much was left undone. Even mini-tasks around the house overwhelmed me. I simply had no energy left, and between my anxiety, and the things I stress about and not sleeping well, it finally hit me that what's the big hurry? Certain things shouldn't feel like a chore, it shouldn't stress me out, it should be a hobby. We were having people over the other day and I was stressing what should be on the menu, and my husband said "Why does everything need to be such a production with you?" It hit me that I need to relax. I don't know why I stress the little things. I guess I just want my world to be a Utopian society with frills and frolic, with no stress, but my standards are high so it's expected to be stressed when undertaking any task with me.

So this week, I've decided that I will have to just do what I can and if I don't finish by the end of this December then it's all okay too, I will keep working towards goals, and this time create a vision board to keep me focused on new dreams, a positive attitude and the point of goals; growth by experiences. I just placed all this importance on one event of entering the next decade that I didn't realize that it really doesn't change a damn thing about me, if anything I hope I enter this next decade with more confidence, determination,  courage, strength and vibrance than ever before. I want to seek out more adventure, more thrill, and more excitement in my experiences. I will add "become more flexible" to next year's goals.

"At the end of the day, the goals are simple: safety and security." -Jodi Rell

If you're in your 40's what's the best insight you can give me about aging and managing this aging process with a type A personality? What do you wish you knew when you were in your 20's and 30's?

Friday, August 21, 2015

The Evolution of A Woman

The other night it's like 2 am and I can't seem to shut my mind off. A lot of things are going on in terms of upcoming events I just can't seem to understand how the summer ended so quickly. I was like going through item after item at a time like a never ending grocery list of to dos, and questions, and basically this entire conversation with myself, that I came to the conclusion that being a woman is quite exhausting. Last November I questioned: Are the Glory Days Over?

Nine months later... I still stand firm that the "Glory Days" are far from over. They are over if you let them be over. If you feel old, you will act old. If you act old, you become old. It's that simple.  My friends and I were having this whole discussion about our style, and how heels aren't as tolerable as they used to be, drinking isn't what it used to be, eating carbs isn't what it used to be. It's true. Things happen, bodies change, and old age creeps in. Random aches and pains will have you trading in late nights for early bedtimes and that's just the reality of it, and you better get to bed if you want to keep up with the excited vibrant woman you know you are deep down inside. The moment you trade in sexy for comfort, it's downhill. You think you're evolving but you're not, because the first thing women who've adopted this trade-off do is justify the trade-off and then hate, blame, and complain. Some justifications are; "I don't need a man, I'm already in a relationship." Or "I don't have anybody to impress." Yet these women will secretly hate the women who still "got it".

They get caught up, and follow everything about celebrities, and forget that they have the same potential, and their own very unique persona to grow. Why do I need to keep up with Kim K and others, if I'm doing Michelle really well?  If you never cared for personal style then power to you. I'm not talking about the women who are already comfortable in their own skin and feel vibrant as they did when they were teenagers and early 20s. This is for the women who feel like they've lost the electricity in them. That current you feel inside at your best self, in your best dress, in your best hair and your best shoes.

At the other end of the spectrum there are the women who haven't quite lost their outer sparkle, but these "divas" don't evolve outside of their high maintenance, princess complex. They never step out of their comfort zone, they think everything revolves around them, everything should be convenient to them, need to be pampered all the time by people around them, they feel they have the right to talk down to and about others never self-aware enough to pay attention to their own inadequacies. Even ones without a princess complex; they are horrible friends, they are unable to be nurturing, they make poor choices, are flaky, unreliable, poor in their relationships, they don't stand strong for any cause, or live based on any principles. A true princess is anything but spoiled, entitled, or one dimensional and is aware of the things around her bigger than herself.
"A woman must constantly be evolving. She must constantly reinvent herself, both inside and out. "    
-Michelle M-Singh 
I'm always in the process of reinventing myself. I thrive off of learning and growing. Contrary to what you've heard, it's really okay to be neurotic to a degree, awareness requires it, but like everything in life, moderation is the key. Discovering things about myself that I never knew is all apart of the process. Testing and pushing limits, questioning myself, and realizing that it's okay to be multifaceted in a world that hates complicated. I act boldly and bravely even when I'm scared. I'm a free spirited person, and while I'm busy trying to enjoy the now and live in one moment at a time, most times I feel suffocated by responsibilities and pressures or scared for what's next, all self implied of course. Inside me there's fucking chaos. There's a million different things on my brain from drives, desires, goals, ideas, conflicts, to do lists, things to remember, people to remember, plans to make, plans to put into actions, praying to do, positive inner self-talk to be reinforced, routines to tweak, books to read, exercise I need, in addition to all the daily living chores, caring for children and personal upkeep, sleep, and unwinding to do. Being exhausted and needing more than the average hrs of sleep is part of both the problem and the solution. In the eyes of others, I'm just a stay at home mom. In my own mind, I am wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter, counselor, life coach, influencer, writer, nutritionist, health nut, hypochondriac, revolutionist, crazy individual, ...HUMAN.

 As women, we transform in four phases from the playful child, to the sexy seductress, to the good mother, and finally to the wise older woman. What we forget in the hardest phase of being a good mother is the playful child and the sexy seductress... exuberant, carefree, fun, wild, adventurous, rebellious, and let's not forget the beauty and passion that exudes from such a woman so vibrant. From the moment I became pregnant I knew things would change. I feared that change, but I was determined to have it all and that the one thing that wouldn't and hasn't changed is that I'm still the same girl I've always been. A free spirit... I've taken a little banging here and there but I'm still gonna strive to encompass all four phases as I grow older. My purpose is even clearer as I think of every person I've talked to or have associated with in the last seven-ten years. I'm a catalyst. I will touch you and change you in ways you've never imagined. If you know me personally or as an acquaintance, ask yourself how have I made an impact in your life? If I haven't, one day I will, or maybe you just don't realize it yet. I'm that little voice, bringing awareness to all the things you've been ignoring. Presumptuous I bet, but it's true.

"It's both a beautiful blessing and curse to be born woman. Step up to the plate and give it your all." 
 -Michelle M-Singh 

 They say a woman's work is never done. It really isn't... so when you're not busy leaving your prints however small they may seem, know that these tiny specks shape the world and it's okay to break the rules and switch up your priorities sometimes:

The 4 Life Phases of a Woman

13 Reasons Why Being Neurotic Is Actually Really Good For Your Health

Trending in Women this Week: 

Thanks to one woman, Uganda bans practice of having divorced women pay back ‘bride prices”

Humans of New York raises $2 million to help “modern-day Harriet Tubman” end bonded labor in Pakistan

10 Must See Feminist Instagram Accounts

Friday, August 7, 2015

The Seeds We Plant

Hey guys, so in the last few weeks I was stumbling in the dark again. I hurt myself exercising, and basically went into a downward spiral dealing with anxiety, depression, and just a general self-awareness of all the things that are abnormal about myself and habits. Whenever this happens, I have to take time out to just talk to my husband about the things bothering me, go back to doing my hobbies, practice my positive affirmations, change my thought process, and refocus myself back on to the healthy track I was on previously. My husband keeps me grounded, he knows how much I struggle against myself. He knows the parts of myself that I don't share with anyone else. He knows how long it took me and takes me to trust. He's a big part of my general positive outlook,  and having him and the girls push me to become better, and triumph over these issues in life. A big part of the issues people generally deal with stems from childhood.
  1. Have you ever had someone do something nice for you and you panic because you don't know how else to respond, and feel like you don't deserve it? 
  2. Have you ever berated yourself because you ate something delicious but bad and now you feel guilty about it and can't get over it?
  3. Have you ever looked at your pictures and tore yourself up with criticism? 
  4. Have you ever been scared of what tomorrow will bring? 
  5. Have you ever had insomnia where you basically stay up the entire night with a million things on your mind but you get high on just the energy of night and music, starting projects and plans until you're exhausted? 
  6. Do you frequently wake up with dread and fear and not know why? 
  7. Do you frequently wish you'd never been born? Or think about death? 
  8. Do you keep having the same conversations with yourself and others, because its the same old issues coming up?  
  9. Have you had an unstable childhood at any point where things changed a lot and made you scared about what would happen to you? 
  10. Have you ever suffered from physical, emotional, sexual and/or verbal abuse? 
  11. Have you ever had a panic attack? 
  12. Do you have unhealthy eating habits? Periods of starving, skipping meals, and then binge eating?
  13. Growing up, did you engage in risky behaviors? 
  14. Do you ever feel like you will never be good enough or reach a certain standard? 
  15. Are you a control freak? 
  16. Are you easily overwhelmed? 
I realized that today, we're focused on the problems, the questions, the label, the meaning, the definition, the symptoms, the consequences, the future, the race, ultimately the end result. I usually would read questions like this and wonder what does this all mean? We're all afraid to be abnormal or labelled.  If you answered yes to any of these questions and/or all of these questions then you're just like me, you have issues, and we don't need to label them but at some point when you do decide to label them (or get a label professionally) you will either walk around with a big cloud over your head or a new awareness for what's wrong and a determination to fix it. That's the new thing in our home now. My oldest is a lot like me, and it's scary. It's like I can clearly see it when she does the same things I do. She will sit and stew, get frustrated, whine, cry, or try to give up when things get tough. I know she's only six but she's growing and my job as her mother is to make sure she grows up strong. I hear myself saying the very things we all need to hear a lot of the time. Parenting is a nonstop time machine. Revisiting your past, dealing with the present challenges, and anticipating future ones.

I say to my daughter:









She is 6 years old. I am in my late 20's, (even this gives me anxiety, lol) yet those messages can certainly be applied to myself, if only I would say them. We all have that inner voice doubting all the things we can do, self-sabotaging our own goals, questioning what we're capable of, and waiting for someone else to help us realize how special we are.

3 Main Points I Want to Share Are

  1. Children are like seeds. Planted in shallow soil, they won't be able to stand strong against the wind. 
  2. Regardless of how you were planted in deep or shallow soil, you still have the power to thicken your roots and grow.
  3. Do your best to  plant positive seeds in your mind. Beautiful things will blossom. 

Raise Your Awareness. 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Have Courage and Be Kind

(WARNING!: Grey's Anatomy current season spoiler alert below)

Right now my brain is racing, there's so much I want to share but my thoughts are so scrambled. They go from being coherent and flowing perfectly until I get to the conclusion and then it's chaos again. I finally said enough is enough I need to get back to writing. I'm having more conversations with people than ever before thanks to Whatsapp and it makes me miss out on the writing and saving part of my blogging process. My ideas however unique to me and my experience are still blog worthy because I think life is about change, growth and entering new phases, and while whatever I'm saying to you right now might be insignificant to you, one day, maybe years later you might remember me and think, I finally understand what that crazy chic was always babbling about in her random thoughts and strange indirect conflicts. For the record I'm a damaged person. I have a lot going on personally. The darkness seems to creep back in even when I thought I resolved a lot of issues years ago, so let me start from the beginning of last month.

I think there are moments in life that pass us all by and we turn out however the hell we do and we don't know why. We are who we are, characterized by a bunch of positive and negative adjectives. One day everything will be one giant puzzle that finally comes together if you're lucky and hopefully it will start to make sense and you can accept it, get over your fears from it, and face new challenges with a positive attitude.

Last month, I was going through some changes. Physically and mentally I was drained, nothing health concerning but my emotions were on overdrive because my husband recently got a promotion at work that caused him to have to travel abroad to England. Any time that he has to leave causes me stress because it's hard being apart. It's simple as that. You don't have to understand it, it's just how it is for us. We live apart from the world. It's like we're in our own world because we like it that way. It's a beautiful, calm, peaceful place, secluded from the pollution of the outside world... Not everybody experiences things the same and feels things as strongly as we do.  I was invited by a family member go spend some time down south. Staying home meant being miserable until he got back, and even though we were calling each-other and face-timing it was definitely hard knowing how far we were from each other as physically affectionate as we are and the five hour time difference made it that much harder. So I decided to go, because I needed to do this for me and the girls, it was a fun distraction the kids needed. All day they were moping around saying "I miss dad, why does he have to go to England?" Now before going forward, this was a big step for me because 1) I've never been on a 3 hr. road trip before without my husband, and driving alone with my kids. 2) I don't have a support system; people I can count on or call if I were in trouble. 3) My knowledge and understanding of vehicles is simply put gas and go. I don't know how to change a tire if required to. 4) Florida is a crazy ass state, we make national headlines, and have narrow unlighted roads for miles on end, surrounded by either water or bushes. 5) Anyone who knows me personally knows that I haven't taken many risks in life after marriage, the wild carefree girl I used to be is sleeping. She is dormant because stability, and logic is her calling. Anxiety steals her thunder. Doing this road trip is in fact risky, if you think about Grey's Anatomy and how Derek died.

So did I do the trip? Yes I went, I was scared when we left the house, I was scared when my tire pressure light came on, and I was vulnerable. Did a piece of me panic? Of course I did. I was a real damsel in distress because even though my husband checked the tires and vehicle out before he left days before, it was the test I needed to persevere. I started to wonder that maybe this was a sign I should go back home and that I was in over my head because what did I know about tires. Now is not the time to google. I was shaky, I wasn't sure if the tire was okay to go for a three hour drive, or if it could blow out on me on the road. There's no way to know so I went to a gas station and their air pump wasn't working, so I went to another one and I didn't know what the hell to do. I put the hose on the tire after taking out the cap but there was no indication that I was actually getting air inside. I was afraid most of all because people with criminal intent prey on women and I had two kids inside the SUV. A man walks up to me and asks me if I need help and I said "no thanks" but there wasn't anyone else around to ask so I said "actually yea, I don't know if I'm putting air in correctly", and he showed me how to put the air in and measure how much is needed. I was so thankful I offered him money for his help and he refused it. He assured me that I was safe to do a long drive on the tire and back. Still shaky I get back in, and praised God for his help. I prayed for about the first half-hour. The carefree me never prayed, I just did shit and didn't bother with what could happen, this experience taught me to have faith, face my fears, go out and truly live, I can still take risks, and know that God is there and I'm not alone as I think I am. Doing this built me, I was so happy when I arrived, I couldn't contain my excitement. It was a character building experience, we had a great time, the girls and I got to make some memories and when we all got back home it brought us closer as a family, because my husband being the tough guy that he is, started missing us terribly and feeling really homesick. He finally knew what it felt like to really worry about us as I do him.

I don't think we need anymore road trips or business trips for a long time, but sometimes it's when we're forced to step out of our comfort zone that we find our strength and faith really tested. Courage is necessary to build your strength. It takes courage to truly live and courage to trust people, and courage to have faith that someone up in the universe is actually watching out for you. I was afraid when the man approached me but you have to look for good in the world and be the good in the world. If you see a homeless person asking for money, give them what you can no matter what they'll use it for. One day you will see that kindness returned to you. Since last month we've been a little extra smitten on each other, and that's important to me because I can't say we ever took one another for granted before this experience or after. This is why I'm glad I wasn't caught up with Grey's episodes. Such a traumatic scene before my husband left to England would've had me questioning both of our trips. I cried so bad when Derek died and I identify with Meredith's character on so many levels. She asks the question in the beginning realizing how blessed she is before his death:"Are you where you wanted to be in life?" I have to say yes. I have the love of my life and we just celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary last week, and we've been together for almost 15 years and we're still deeply in love and following our dreams, but like Meredith a lot of the past haunts me and I struggle against myself. It's always me versus myself because I know better than anyone, you can have everything today, and it's gone tomorrow. So...

Have Courage and Be Kind. 

Monday, July 13, 2015

Topic of the Week: Anxiety Awareness

For the last two months  up until mid June I spent a lot of my free time doing hobbies, like reading, exercising, watching movies, and talking to my friends.  Usually something is being neglected if you're a mom of two with any free time. I neglected writing, a lot of minor cleaning, and laundry. I started having this almost internal battle inside feeling guilty for it. I take naps regularly but don't feel guilty about those because sleep is the only way I can function, but the other stuff just being at a stand still started to nag at me. I also got sick during that time and started having anxiety. 

In that short time, I find myself almost becoming a hypochondriac because every time something hurts, it's like "oh shit I'm dying again!". Then Google makes it worse! I found myself walking around with a black cloud over my head. I can't say I'm over it because anyone with anxiety knows that these things come in waves like life. One day you feel confident ready to take on the world, you live in the now, the next day, you want to disappear into an oblivion, or sleep your life away because you worry about all the scary things that might happen. I have like months of being positive and living in the moment, and the moment something hurts it's back to the worrying, the fear of all the things Google tells you that could change your life forever. Then you hear of someone you know, or read some sad  tragic story and you feel so down and sad, you start to worry again. 

I was watching Greys' Anatomy, and one of the characters said "Did I use up all my happy?" I will come back to this Grey's Anatomy scenario in another post soon, because I just got caught up from what happened in May and I'm so sad. There's so much I want to say but for right now I want to bring awareness to anxiety. For the most part when I'm not screaming at my kids, I'm happy. Like I cannot complain about life. I love my life, but there's a nagging in the back of my head that's afraid to be too happy because things might very well be "too good to be true".  The nagging fears are all kinds of atrocities that could happen. Basically, as a popular meme says: "I've got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up in my head." My friend told me that "my thoughts are going to be the end of me" which is so true. I started doing some digging. The more I learned about anxiety, the more I started to understand that this is all considered the new "normal". Normal keeps getting redefined.

Today 1 in 5 people have Anxiety. This fact actually alarmed me and made me breathe a sigh of relief because I'm not alone or the only one going crazy. Knowing something is "normal" makes you calm down a bit. Anxiety can be attributed to the changing times.

- People hustle 24/7, there's not a lot of time to stop and smell the roses anymore.
-Technology brings more awareness from media.
-Comparison is the thief of joy via social media.
-We're in a point in history where people are living in excess which means that our dreams are only getting bigger which causes more anxiety.
-Age of information-Information is at our fingertips, the media fear mongers with bad news and sad news, and we keep googling our symptoms.
-Younger and younger people are being afflicted with diseases seen in seniors way before our time.
-Consciousness has shifted a lot as there's more free time than ever before. We have automated services, machines that do most of our work compared to the earlier days before the Industrial Revolution.
- Anxiety is actually hurting you. See infographic >

If you go through anxiety, find natural ways to decrease it. Trace your thought process, journal, exercise, find things to do that make you happy. Evaluate the source of your anxiousness and deal with it headfirst. If you find that you just have anxiety that stops you from functioning, or feels crippling without cause, you need to seek help. Please speak to a medical professional before getting off medications prescribed as well. For me personally, I'm just a worry wort, and I can't help my fight and flight response when something is going on in my life. I want to manage it and not let it take over my life. If you have anxiety, but you don't take medication because it's not severe enough, or it's just something that happens from time to time when you worry like me, check out some of the links below. I've spent the last two months compiling a bunch of articles that talk about anxiety, each one unique, interesting, informative, or helpful.

Don't get caught up in the lie called perfection

How to Cope When You Feel Like Shit

Heartbreaking: Photos Show What Life With Anxiety REALLY Feels Like

10 Things Your Friend With Anxiety Wants You To Know

Mountain Magic Diving Into the Roots of My Anxiety

How to Overcome Anxiety in Your Relationship

31 Secrets of People Who Live with Anxiety

Anxiety and the Underlying Cause Everyone Should Know About

Worriers, Rejoice! Your Anxiety Actually Means You’re More Intelligent

How I Healed My Anxiety Without Drugs

Kill Anxiety and Radically Improve Your Life With Conscious Breathing

Monday, June 1, 2015

The Turning Point in Every Story

I find myself in tears listening to this right now. I was watching this segment randomly on Nicki Minaj's breakup, and everything that she's expressing suddenly clicked and relates to something I'm going through right now. Forget about the celebrity aspect of what she's talking about because we all know that industry is larger than life and we're not celebrities of course, but listen to the emotional aspect of loving someone and how you're feeling when things are changing in an unknown direction. You don't have to be in the same exact situation to understand what people are going through. When two people are addicted to each other, building everything together and sacrifices need to be made, you can't help but feel like something is gonna get lost. Love is a crazy thing but all romantic love is not the same. When you find someone who is your best friend and makes you crazy inside with unsatiable passion, and situations cause you emotional turmoil, it's the most incredible and scary ride of your life. I can totally understand why people all over the world are driven to what we call madness. It's everything that people who haven't experienced it themselves would label as "being dramatic". My heart only knows the depth of the songs I listen to, and the novels I read, and movies I watch. I am always grateful for everything in life which is what causes a lot of my anxiety because anyone can understand how you'd wanna hold the things dear to your heart close to you forever. I watch these interviews and documentaries sometimes because that's how I learn and thrive on human connections and relating to experiences. Maybe had I watched it in February when it was posted, I wouldn't have been affected, but that's life, everything happening for a reason, because the message I needed to receive and realize was: " I don't wanna be in this fragile broken state all the time, I wanna be strong, but I'm human." This video was the universe's way to reach me I guess.

They say love conquers all, but I can think of a quite a few times in life when it hasn't. One day after you get to "Happily Ever After" you have to ask yourself is this enough or are we risking the very thing we fought so hard to keep? The bottom-line is there is no one true "happily ever after", just a series of events that lead to a turning point taking things for the better or the worse, and this is probably mine.

If you start paying attention, you'll eventually get the message.

Start at 1:26 if you care to listen...

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Why Men Respond to The Damsel in Distress

I was reading this article the day before about strong independent woman syndrome. I really enjoyed that article. A few things clicked to me about dating and relationships. Everything I'm hearing about today's dating scene is so crazy. Everybody's scared to admit that they need someone, they treat each other like they're disposable. We're all so damn afraid to be vulnerable. I've always been in tune to how I feel. Growing up, feelings were something you didn't share, my mother never cried in front of us. Crying was considered a weakness, especially if done in front of others. I however have always been a sensitive person, I'm not afraid to let my feelings flow, speak my truth, and move on. Naturally I felt suffocated in that environment, because my nature is so soft and free-spirited. I'm hard and tough when I need to be, I won't break because I'm not fragile. If anything I feel stronger because I allow myself to accept what I'm feeling and deal with the issues headfirst.

I ask for what I need because I'm not afraid to be "needy". If my needs cannot be met, I leave the situation. You can't expect to meet your needs at the cost of someone else's. That's wrong. I know my limits too, if someone's asking for more than I'm prepared to give I can easily say no. No explanation required. If you stifle those feelings as I did for a long time at one point you'll end up lost and depressed and not know why. All around you things will continue to disappoint you. It's as if all your efforts in everything you're trying to accomplish in life become futile. I can guarantee you that in this state, you can never see the silver lining.

Romantically, I give and receive tons affection, he knows I love him with ever fiber of my being because I show him. When he comes home and kisses me hello I stop what I'm doing and give him a big squeeze. Those hugs make me melt like butter, the angriest of women just need more hugs. If there's a lot going on at home I make time for us to reconnect. I like passionate sex, and talking for hours on end, it makes me feel content. I don't want to go out to fancy dinners. I need to be acknowledged and feel like he cherishes me. I need to feel loved and connect with someone intimately. Many times I felt like things were changing from the days in H.S. and rather than accept that life changes, I said "no way Jose!" by being proactive about those changes and how I felt. It's not perfect, but it works.

Going back to relationships today, women are at equal earning capacities in the workforce. Women are independent, successful, and size their counterparts up by their status. Then they let those feelings of independence leak into their love lives. We commonly hear lines like "I don't need a man" or "he's replaceable". If he's not giving you attention, affection, or appreciation, you sweep it under the rug, because "I'm a strong and independent" I don't need those things to be happy. "I can buy my own things, I don't need his gifts".  Yet most of your behavior and actions remain resentful. You fill the time with distractions, or band-aids as I like to call them. Band-aids ranging from meaningless routines, trips, overbooked schedules and plans, basically time that could've been spent laying in each others arms dreaming new dreams or sharing fears, or talking about the issues is wasted in the name of busy. Your ego remains bruised by your own stubbornness. No matter how many band-aids you use, it doesn't stop hurting. He gets used to your unloving demeanor, yet his actions don't change because why would they? You made it clear you don't need rescuing. 

You remain devoted to keeping this dying idea of "together" but are unwilling to give in to expressing your feelings, asking for what you need,  and refuse to be the first to give in and show some love. At some point you become anything but together, only DIVIDED by this invisible power struggle.

Romance novels never die because the story is the same. Women love these novels because they feature her dream man. What nobody asks themselves is why is he the dream man and what did the female do to make him so wonderful? She's the damsel. She's not a pathetic creature who can't do anything for herself or think on her own but a there's a certain softness to her and she always finds herself in a bind. The female character is always described as a woman who's scared to get her heart broken, but eventually breaks down that wall that's guarding her heart, unleashing all the tenderness of her mind, body, and soul. He's drunk on her smile, addicted to her vulnerability and lives only to please her and goes to great lengths to keep her happy. He isn't intimidated that she makes more money than him, because she lets him wear the pants. She's independent and strong without really saying it, because when push comes to shove, we know she runs the show, it's always her final say-so in the battle of the sexes... She knows how to stroke his ego and knows it needs more protecting than her own. Real life isn't any different. Men like being fixers, protectors, heros, and thrive on admiration. Usually they can't stand to see you cry. You can have all of that, but are you ready to bat your pretty eyes and ask for it?

Sometimes I think I must be from a different time, because I wonder:

Where are the serenading mariachi bands or singing telegrams?
Where are the poems?
Where are the love letters we used to write?
Where are the acts of undying love?
Where are the surprises?
How do we even profess our love anymore?

Maybe we became too strong and independent for all those things, or it's just one of the side-effects of feminism. Bare some of your tenderness, and keep the bitching to a minimum.

Love is professing everything you feel in your heart in a different way everyday and having it reciprocated.

Totally Accurate if Reciprocation is the problem: 

Strong Independent Woman Syndrome

I always say this: My husband comes before my kids.

Keep Him Interested with Love Nuggets:

Monday, May 18, 2015

5 Factors Why Men Cheat

Hey everyone, so men cheating is never an exhausted topic. We all want to know why, my friend suggested I touch on this topic and I thought well why not. We've all been cheated on before, did the cheating, or know someone who's gone through both. It's common. It happens, but why is the first thing we're stuck on. I know men and women of a variety of ages who cheat and it's not just speculation. I know for a fact. I wanna focus on men cheating. I think there are major differences in the reasoning/factors/circumstances based on gender. I'd like to compile some of my own findings on why men cheat. So here goes:

1) Roots Needed for Growth-The relationship never established roots before it became a sexual relationship. Love, trust and respect needs to be established before the relationship becomes physical. For men they need time to build up that sense of love and bonding. Sex raises the bonding hormone oxytocin but after it's over it lowers considerably unless love is established. It's basically the chemistry of emotions in the mind. Criminologists have discovered how the influence of love, sex, and romance can reform the most hardened criminals, but similarly drive a man to steal, cheat, or commit murder. On a positive note, it's the same emotions that can be the driving force in great heights of super achievement in some men.  Studies show that oxytocin is linked with monogamy: 

"A study, published in the journal PNAS in November 2013, examined brain scans of men who had received oxytocin or placebo via a nasal spray. The oxytocin was associated with activation of the men's reward centres in their brains, and with greater feelings of attraction to their partners versus other women in photographs. This followed a very similar study in The Journal of Neuroscience in November 2012: A hormone can help keep men faithful."
Time + Passion + Love = ?

2) Loss of Love and Sparkle- love is a bond that doesn't just exist, you have to cultivate it, you have to work at it, you have to keep it safe or it loses it's value, becomes stale, and isn't nearly as precious as it was originally. I strongly believe that if you stop loving yourself and being your best self, so will he. This is on you women. I'm gonna shock you and tell you that in this area, it's your job to keep him interested. You can't let yourself go and expect him to see the glitter in your eyes. Take pride in yourself, you have a role to play here, and the name is Romance. It's your job to keep reminding him why he pursued you in the first place. In the book I'm reading called "Think and Grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill it's not about becoming a millionaire, but how to build and conquer your life like an empire. Love, power and sex are mutually exclusive parts to a man's success and through the right woman he can materialize it. When you sparkle you catch his eyes, that's energy. That's conjuring up a hunger or a thirst. Everything in life translates into energy. In Ch. 11 the author say's something I always knew but was not an authority figure on to convince those who said otherwise:

3) Religiosity/Upbringing- a very religious man in a religion that promotes monogamy will be less apt to cheating because it's likely he's God fearing. If he grew up in a home where both parents respected each other and a high value is placed on fidelity, however tempting it might be, he will feel conflicted about breaking that norm. Our belief system stems from our culture, religion, views imposed from our upbringing and life experiences. Think about the sacredness of religious items. If you view marriage as sacred, you'll treat it differently than you would if you believed it's disposable. 

4) Character Flaws- this is found in the man who will throw away the greatest woman/relationship for nothing. He will cheat on the beautiful devoted wife because he's upset, looking for an escape, to pacify negative emotions, boredom, or to compensate for something he's lacking in ego. These men are poor at problem-solving, communication,  coping with stress, easily peer pressured, conflict avoiders, and usually an addiction to alcohol or something else like sex isn't that far behind.  Character flaws on the female side of the relationship, is in regards to conflict resolution. Behavior/speech that disrespects, emasculates, belittles, or breaks down a male counterpart, plays a part as well. Women have to look at themselves as builders; "behind every successful man is a woman". You catch more flies with honey. Don't let him fly away because you're offering vinegar. Today our generation are characteristically flawed because nobody can stand to be in a relationship for the long haul. The minute things get hard they run. The mentality is if something is broken..."throw it away". It's one thing to work hard on something that shows no change, and knowing when enough is enough, but even then courage, ambition, determination and strength are the qualities required. The belief system, character flaws, coupled with lower religiosity, raises the likelihood of cheating.  

5) Power, Charisma, Appeal- we all know some people are fierce, they're born with a power within them. They can command a room without much effort. Some strong signs in astrology create these personalities, it's just the way nature created it. I strongly believe some men just can't be monogamous unless they find someone with equal inner power as them. This power can be used negatively or positively. Used positively, you'll find these men as successful leaders, important business figures, inventors, and athletes. When we see these powerful figures fall, it's usually due to overindulgence of some kind and many times that overindulgence is another woman. 

Think about all these factors. Start investing your time, energy and love in the places that need work. Life isn't perfect, people aren't perfect, but....

                      Time + Passion + Love =                             
(Anything you want to cultivate; strength, commitment, fidelity, power, growth, bonds, happiness, etc.)

Other Interesting Reads: 
Why Sex Should Be Treated As A Spiritual Practice

7 Things Men Want In A Relationship

31 Reasons Why Men Don’t Cheat

Cheating Women Are Looking For Sex, Not Divorce, Study Says

Sex, Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?

Each time a man connects with a woman sexually and releases his life form energy within her, he leaves a part of his information (DNA) in her birth canal.

PDF E-Book: Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Why Are You So Damn Wasteful?! 10 Ways to Stop!

Hi guys!!!  So today I wanted to share a topic that's near and dear to me because I love learning, I love science, I love nature, and animals and I think we should all try to save the planet. I have a different appreciation and perspective in life. Holistic health is important to me, and the future of our world doesn't feel out of my hands at all. I do believe in the power of numbers and that one person can make a difference.

For those of you who know me very well, you know that I absolutely HATE waste...

If you didn't know that about me now you know that;

  • I secretly despise people who are purposely and ignorantly wasteful. 
  • Wait I despise ignorance too...
  • I actually get inherently upset when I see people do it. Pretty much couple times a week my kids or husband will have me yelling about being "waster-roos".
  • Motherhood has only heightened this awareness and anger towards it. 
  • I always carry my water bottle where ever I go. 
  • I don't buy bottled water unless I absolutely have to. 
  • It's not just about saving the planet, its all forms of wasting things that bother me. 
  • Part of being grateful and living in gratitude is acknowledging the things we take for granted such as water, food, money, clothing, shelter. When we first started out in life, we didn't have much and we struggled quite a bit. I know what it's like not to have. Living in abundance now doesn't change that humble beginning for me.
  • I'm not a saint or being self-righteous. I do know it's bad to use disposable diapers and have used them with both girls. I just think it's important to do your VERY best in the capacity you can,  in the part you play in the world. 
So what can you do?  
  1. Buy a reusable water bottle! Invest in a water dispenser! You can get better quality water from a variety of filtration systems. I've actually had my filtered water tested against name brand store bottled water and the results were shocking.
  2. Recycle as much as possible. 
  3. Buy what you need. There's a problem with over consumption today. We're living in excess. 
  4. I chose my home based on a great number of things but energy-efficiency was the #1 selling point for me. If you have the opportunity to build or choose something that uses less resources, do it!
  5. Start an organic garden.  
  6. Don't eat meat at least once a week. 
  7. Use technology to your advantage, program lights and thermostats, install dual flush toilets to save water. 
  8. Buy groceries/meats locally grown and sustainably/humanely raised. 
  9. Advocate for laws against non-GMOs, and fish farms. These petitions are at your fingertips online. 
  10. Spread the word. Share with as many people as possible after seeing this message: