Tuesday, January 13, 2015

The Garden of Marriage

There's a notion that the longer you've been in a relationship, the easier it gets. Logic would have you believe that you've already found all the compatibility loopholes, and that you've already established roots in each other's minds, hearts and souls. The longer you've been with someone the better you ought to know them. You know their likes, dislikes, and preferences. So what could possibly be so tough about marriage?

The heavy truth about marriage is that it takes a lot of hard work. By hard work, I mean non-stop communication, keen self-awareness in both parties, and devotion. If I have to speak on devotion we will be here forever. Sometimes I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring. All I'm sure of is that there's two people in this beautiful garden.  A couple things to note is that while these two people are in this magnificent garden, one of us is distracted and living in the future, while the other one is totally in this very moment soaking up every detail of the time together feeling content but still feeling like something is missing.

The wind is blowing, the sun is shining down so bright and I'm smiling, because it's a sweet smelling garden, and there's so much to see and do. Suddenly the sky becomes overcast and I'm filled with sadness, doubt, and fears of whether it will be a thunderstorm. When these storms take place will he run for cover in the same direction as me or will we argue about where to go?

The rain will come, we just don't know for sure when. Every time it has rained in the past we always argue about where to go and when we're done, that beautiful moment in the garden is lost and we find ourselves standing there, drenched, upset, realizing there's no need to run for cover anymore because we're defeated, purpose is lost. A couple of things happen next. A resentment starts to build on my end because had you not been so distracted you would've realized the overcast clouds and my sudden fears and doubts about whether this storm will ruin us, and therefore you would've already swooped in and saved the day. I tried to prevent being in this storm by checking the forecast but my efforts were futile. You realize your mistakes but only after this beautiful day in the garden is over. You wrap your arms around me and I melt like butter, the resentment fades away, the sun is peeking through the clouds, passion overtakes us and we can't stop ourselves.  We can't stay together but we can't part either, because next time we say we will bring an umbrella.

Who's responsibility is it to bring the umbrella? Who's responsibility is is to check the forecast? Who's responsibility is it to willingly submit to the others choices' and go along with them? The truth is, some of us would say the man should or the woman should, some would say let's split up these responsibilities equally, other's will dig a little deeper and find out that it's not as black and white as you would think....

This song goes so perfectly...(Beautiful Mind by Travis King)

A relationship is this Rose in a garden. The garden will keep thriving depending on the conditions and the rose will go through cycles of budding, blossoming, wilting, and ultimately dying. Whether or not you're the type to skip ahead to admire it's beauty and treat it tenderly only when it's blossomed, is the most important question. Some would watch it and give tender care to it from beginning all the way to the end without skipping forward because the entire process deserves devotion. All I know is that after the rose drops it's petals, its up to both people to start budding again. The petals shed are the layers of changes we undergo to create this beautiful and magnificent garden.

Love is not Possession, Love is Appreciation.