Friday, August 21, 2015

The Evolution of A Woman

The other night it's like 2 am and I can't seem to shut my mind off. A lot of things are going on in terms of upcoming events I just can't seem to understand how the summer ended so quickly. I was like going through item after item at a time like a never ending grocery list of to dos, and questions, and basically this entire conversation with myself, that I came to the conclusion that being a woman is quite exhausting. Last November I questioned: Are the Glory Days Over?

Nine months later... I still stand firm that the "Glory Days" are far from over. They are over if you let them be over. If you feel old, you will act old. If you act old, you become old. It's that simple.  My friends and I were having this whole discussion about our style, and how heels aren't as tolerable as they used to be, drinking isn't what it used to be, eating carbs isn't what it used to be. It's true. Things happen, bodies change, and old age creeps in. Random aches and pains will have you trading in late nights for early bedtimes and that's just the reality of it, and you better get to bed if you want to keep up with the excited vibrant woman you know you are deep down inside. The moment you trade in sexy for comfort, it's downhill. You think you're evolving but you're not, because the first thing women who've adopted this trade-off do is justify the trade-off and then hate, blame, and complain. Some justifications are; "I don't need a man, I'm already in a relationship." Or "I don't have anybody to impress." Yet these women will secretly hate the women who still "got it".

They get caught up, and follow everything about celebrities, and forget that they have the same potential, and their own very unique persona to grow. Why do I need to keep up with Kim K and others, if I'm doing Michelle really well?  If you never cared for personal style then power to you. I'm not talking about the women who are already comfortable in their own skin and feel vibrant as they did when they were teenagers and early 20s. This is for the women who feel like they've lost the electricity in them. That current you feel inside at your best self, in your best dress, in your best hair and your best shoes.

At the other end of the spectrum there are the women who haven't quite lost their outer sparkle, but these "divas" don't evolve outside of their high maintenance, princess complex. They never step out of their comfort zone, they think everything revolves around them, everything should be convenient to them, need to be pampered all the time by people around them, they feel they have the right to talk down to and about others never self-aware enough to pay attention to their own inadequacies. Even ones without a princess complex; they are horrible friends, they are unable to be nurturing, they make poor choices, are flaky, unreliable, poor in their relationships, they don't stand strong for any cause, or live based on any principles. A true princess is anything but spoiled, entitled, or one dimensional and is aware of the things around her bigger than herself.
"A woman must constantly be evolving. She must constantly reinvent herself, both inside and out. "    
-Michelle M-Singh 
I'm always in the process of reinventing myself. I thrive off of learning and growing. Contrary to what you've heard, it's really okay to be neurotic to a degree, awareness requires it, but like everything in life, moderation is the key. Discovering things about myself that I never knew is all apart of the process. Testing and pushing limits, questioning myself, and realizing that it's okay to be multifaceted in a world that hates complicated. I act boldly and bravely even when I'm scared. I'm a free spirited person, and while I'm busy trying to enjoy the now and live in one moment at a time, most times I feel suffocated by responsibilities and pressures or scared for what's next, all self implied of course. Inside me there's fucking chaos. There's a million different things on my brain from drives, desires, goals, ideas, conflicts, to do lists, things to remember, people to remember, plans to make, plans to put into actions, praying to do, positive inner self-talk to be reinforced, routines to tweak, books to read, exercise I need, in addition to all the daily living chores, caring for children and personal upkeep, sleep, and unwinding to do. Being exhausted and needing more than the average hrs of sleep is part of both the problem and the solution. In the eyes of others, I'm just a stay at home mom. In my own mind, I am wife, mom, friend, sister, daughter, counselor, life coach, influencer, writer, nutritionist, health nut, hypochondriac, revolutionist, crazy individual, ...HUMAN.

 As women, we transform in four phases from the playful child, to the sexy seductress, to the good mother, and finally to the wise older woman. What we forget in the hardest phase of being a good mother is the playful child and the sexy seductress... exuberant, carefree, fun, wild, adventurous, rebellious, and let's not forget the beauty and passion that exudes from such a woman so vibrant. From the moment I became pregnant I knew things would change. I feared that change, but I was determined to have it all and that the one thing that wouldn't and hasn't changed is that I'm still the same girl I've always been. A free spirit... I've taken a little banging here and there but I'm still gonna strive to encompass all four phases as I grow older. My purpose is even clearer as I think of every person I've talked to or have associated with in the last seven-ten years. I'm a catalyst. I will touch you and change you in ways you've never imagined. If you know me personally or as an acquaintance, ask yourself how have I made an impact in your life? If I haven't, one day I will, or maybe you just don't realize it yet. I'm that little voice, bringing awareness to all the things you've been ignoring. Presumptuous I bet, but it's true.

"It's both a beautiful blessing and curse to be born woman. Step up to the plate and give it your all." 
 -Michelle M-Singh 

 They say a woman's work is never done. It really isn't... so when you're not busy leaving your prints however small they may seem, know that these tiny specks shape the world and it's okay to break the rules and switch up your priorities sometimes:

The 4 Life Phases of a Woman

13 Reasons Why Being Neurotic Is Actually Really Good For Your Health

Trending in Women this Week: 

Thanks to one woman, Uganda bans practice of having divorced women pay back ‘bride prices”

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10 Must See Feminist Instagram Accounts

Friday, August 7, 2015

The Seeds We Plant

Hey guys, so in the last few weeks I was stumbling in the dark again. I hurt myself exercising, and basically went into a downward spiral dealing with anxiety, depression, and just a general self-awareness of all the things that are abnormal about myself and habits. Whenever this happens, I have to take time out to just talk to my husband about the things bothering me, go back to doing my hobbies, practice my positive affirmations, change my thought process, and refocus myself back on to the healthy track I was on previously. My husband keeps me grounded, he knows how much I struggle against myself. He knows the parts of myself that I don't share with anyone else. He knows how long it took me and takes me to trust. He's a big part of my general positive outlook,  and having him and the girls push me to become better, and triumph over these issues in life. A big part of the issues people generally deal with stems from childhood.
  1. Have you ever had someone do something nice for you and you panic because you don't know how else to respond, and feel like you don't deserve it? 
  2. Have you ever berated yourself because you ate something delicious but bad and now you feel guilty about it and can't get over it?
  3. Have you ever looked at your pictures and tore yourself up with criticism? 
  4. Have you ever been scared of what tomorrow will bring? 
  5. Have you ever had insomnia where you basically stay up the entire night with a million things on your mind but you get high on just the energy of night and music, starting projects and plans until you're exhausted? 
  6. Do you frequently wake up with dread and fear and not know why? 
  7. Do you frequently wish you'd never been born? Or think about death? 
  8. Do you keep having the same conversations with yourself and others, because its the same old issues coming up?  
  9. Have you had an unstable childhood at any point where things changed a lot and made you scared about what would happen to you? 
  10. Have you ever suffered from physical, emotional, sexual and/or verbal abuse? 
  11. Have you ever had a panic attack? 
  12. Do you have unhealthy eating habits? Periods of starving, skipping meals, and then binge eating?
  13. Growing up, did you engage in risky behaviors? 
  14. Do you ever feel like you will never be good enough or reach a certain standard? 
  15. Are you a control freak? 
  16. Are you easily overwhelmed? 
I realized that today, we're focused on the problems, the questions, the label, the meaning, the definition, the symptoms, the consequences, the future, the race, ultimately the end result. I usually would read questions like this and wonder what does this all mean? We're all afraid to be abnormal or labelled.  If you answered yes to any of these questions and/or all of these questions then you're just like me, you have issues, and we don't need to label them but at some point when you do decide to label them (or get a label professionally) you will either walk around with a big cloud over your head or a new awareness for what's wrong and a determination to fix it. That's the new thing in our home now. My oldest is a lot like me, and it's scary. It's like I can clearly see it when she does the same things I do. She will sit and stew, get frustrated, whine, cry, or try to give up when things get tough. I know she's only six but she's growing and my job as her mother is to make sure she grows up strong. I hear myself saying the very things we all need to hear a lot of the time. Parenting is a nonstop time machine. Revisiting your past, dealing with the present challenges, and anticipating future ones.

I say to my daughter:









She is 6 years old. I am in my late 20's, (even this gives me anxiety, lol) yet those messages can certainly be applied to myself, if only I would say them. We all have that inner voice doubting all the things we can do, self-sabotaging our own goals, questioning what we're capable of, and waiting for someone else to help us realize how special we are.

3 Main Points I Want to Share Are

  1. Children are like seeds. Planted in shallow soil, they won't be able to stand strong against the wind. 
  2. Regardless of how you were planted in deep or shallow soil, you still have the power to thicken your roots and grow.
  3. Do your best to  plant positive seeds in your mind. Beautiful things will blossom. 

Raise Your Awareness.