Monday, January 25, 2016

Home is Where the Heart Is

Someone on my Facebook posted this status about how she can't wait for the storm because she's gonna stay in with her husband and cuddle and watch movies a few days ago. I smiled knowing the feeling. A warmth grew over me because it's my favorite thing to do more than anything else. Every time I face a tough decision, I think about that happy feeling and I'm once again clear about what needs to be done, and where my goals are.

Love is constantly choosing the other person over yourself. I learned that for myself a few weeks ago. I finally experienced that expression: "If you love something let it go and if it comes back to you it was meant to be". This entire time I was thinking that the person goes on an exploration and comes back, but not necessarily so. I realize now that you have to let that person go, to do whatever he or she wants to do choosing their happiness over your own, and only then when they DO NOT because they're choosing not to for you; you both choose each other in a sense and that's what makes you meant to be. It's like a test where you hope their compass will redirect back to you.  

Example: Even though he knows he would rather me not go, he lets me, by actually telling me to, and in deciding to go part of me is not okay with it because it's not fair and I see that so I decide for the greater good to stay and my priorities have been realized. Home is where the heart is. In the grand scheme of things, if there's any reason your home may not be intact, are you willing to risk it? Are you going to let anything small ruin the place your heart resides? 

I had to ask myself that question a couple of days ago. I was driving more than halfway to my destination and I couldn't remember if I turned off the stove...anxiety sets in and it's a battle of "don't worry you did it", then "no wait you're fucking crazy go back before you set the house on fire dummy!" So I just turn around and rush back home screwing up my entire day's schedule only to find that I indeed did turn off the stove. [ Lesson of the day: Check that you've turned off the stove, iron, steamer, etc 3x before leaving home. Not only will u have an anxiety disorder but also OCD. =D ]
I followed my heart because home is where it is, my livelihood, my dreams, my future, my goals, my children's future, my everything. 

I talk a great deal about cheating. Sometimes I think about if the opportunity actually presents itself, would I do it?. In my heart, I know I might flirt with the idea but when the moment comes for real action, I'll seize up. I won't be able to go through with it.

A lot of us make decisions irrationally not really questioning; "How will this set a theoretical fire to my home?"

The decisions that brew a silent resentment, the decisions that never sit well in your gut, the decisions that become habitual. You progress to your actions without a doubt that you may have in fact left the stove on. This is what I meant earlier last week about self-awareness. You have to be so keen on what your priorities are. Keen on thinking about how small things add up to how things shift and change. That is love. Awareness. Choosing. Deciding. Love is the evolution of those 3 things combined. That if you might have left a stove on, you're going to turn back and make sure it's not on because you know your heart is there. 

If you love someone, consciously decide what are your priorities are and see to it that they do the same for you. Share this post to spread awareness to all the lovers out there. 

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

How to be a Good Friend on Facebook

As a social media junkie, I had to make this post. Now everyone is entitled to post whatever they want, that's the bottom-line. I personally love sharing things I subscribe to a lot. My personal favorites are memes, articles, videos, information, inspiration, and deep philosophical shit that makes you think. I mean I constantly have people liking, sharing and/or commentary and that's what Facebook is about for me. The connecting I get to do with others on a daily basis. Being extroverted I'm not interested in stalking anybody. I want to have a positive impact on my friends and make someone's day by sharing a message that they might be needing to get through the day, or sharing a hilarious video/meme because those are the things that lift my spirits when I'm down. Those are the things that work as tools for growth, inspiration, stress relief, learning new things, growing and staying connected with family and friends.

I don't feel that it's a substitute for living a meaningful life or being in the present as we see people who are constantly taking selfies and posting everything that they do, and saying every waking thought literally missing the point of life in the present moment. If that's you well good for you buddy, I'm not sure how fun and fabulous your life is that you stop and document midway; just saying...

I love scrolling through the news-feed, I've liked so many pages it's always lot of funny stuff, informative, uplifting, and positive material. Being positive isn't that you're not allowed to have feelings, but it's how you struggle through a lot of the negative feelings and still live a genuinely happy and smiling life. Facebook can be a great resource for keeping you in that positive state of mind. Likewise, if I go scrolling and everything you keep sharing is negative I have unfollowed you. Some stories are worth posting because it's too crazy not to, it brings awareness, or there's shock value you can't help but share.  Other news stories are just downright depressing, and sometimes even too disturbing to be shared. Videos are turning up so graphic and disturbing it literally ruins my day, I don't even bother saying anything. If we want to be shocked beyond belief we would go to rotten.com but scrolling through the feed can be a nightmare waiting to happen sometimes. Side Note: I think if we humiliated people who commit heinous crimes, we could potentially stop people with criminal intent who are looking to just become viral. Media coverage alone tends to glamorize crimes.

So, like I said before post whatever you want,  It's 2016. Nobody cares. But if you do care to know here's what everybody should know by now on;

How to Be a Good Friend on Facebook:
  1. Spread awareness type of news articles. We don't need to know that there was a car accident yesterday and two people are dead.  If there's a serial killer on the loose, let us know.
  2. Mind your own business. The whole family doesn't need to know that so and so has a filthy mouth and dresses like a stripper on the weekends. Unless you're paying her bills, mind your own, nobody likes a town gossip. On the other hand don't post every single damn thing going on in your life and get upset at people for being in your business, they're not "on your dick", you're being ignorant. Example: Tom posts updates that he's going to the hospital, but get's upset when people want to know why,  when they tell other's that he's in the hospital, and/or won't stop trying to contact him. You make people lose empathy for you when you say you're going for a surgery to wish you luck, but ignore their natural curiosity when they ask why...um do I hear "attention whore"?. Don't say anything at all.  You're better off this way if you don't wanna get into the details, or worse have a blabbermouth tell all on the feed. 
  3. Like attracts Like. If you complain about life on Facebook a lot... I mean a whole lot...Chances are you are attracting more negative energy and nobody likes a "Debbie Downer" so positive people will stop offering support or a kind word of advice and the "Negative Nancy's" will fuel you downhill. 
  4. Don't assume your friends have seen your posts or that you're unpopular! Nobody believes me when I say no sorry I missed the pics of your latest trip. The higher # pages you've liked and the # of friends you have clogs the feed sometimes which is all based on algorithms. Your Average Facebook Post Only Reaches 7-12% Of Your Friends
  5. Don't assume posts are about you, but if the shoe fits wear it. In this generation nobody takes accountability for anything. 
  6. Don't try to figure out whats going on in someone's life based on a post. That's dumb, sometimes it's just lyrics seriously, lol. 
  7. DO practice tolerance. I know spelling and grammar irks everyone, but for God's sake it's FB! Not English Comp 101. I spelled a word incorrectly once (probably more), everybody got the message, but someone had the nerve to call me out. Seriously? Does that make you a better person and a more intelligent person because you speak well, write well, and make it your priority to correct spelling? I get that school is looking more and more like a joke with people today saying Bae, instead of Babe and basic things taught in school not being true, but be kind, such an obvious power trip isn't very becoming. It's okay if the misspellings and bad grammar is part of pop culture but not okay if used by the average person??? Maybe you need to take that energy and fix pop culture...[jus sayin again].
  8. DO respect your friends privacy settings/wishes. If your friend would rather you not tag them, then do that. Use discretion in the photos you post, make sure everybody looks good. 
  9. DO keep your arguments off Facebook. Nobody ever benefited from airing out their dirty laundry in public.
  10. DO promptly RSVP on events you're invited to, it's rude when you don't do it for mailed invitations, and it's rude as fuck not doing it via Facebook Events, when it's just 1 easy click of a button. Stop being an asshole. 
  11. Don't be nosy when people go from "in a relationship" to "its complicated"...
  12. Don't like/comment on embarrassing old photos, that shit is in the past for a reason! Doing so will cause it to show up on the feed!
  13. Don't post things to your friends' wall that could get them in trouble, professionally or otherwise! 
  14. If you do have dumb friends who might post stuff to your wall mindlessly, that might get you in trouble, get familiar with your privacy settings
  15. Don't add people you don't really know, or people from your friends' list (uh creepy!), or people you're not prepared to see be themselves with their posts.
  16. DO like/comment when your close family and friends post/message/tag you. Again rude as fuck to never acknowledge things. Life is busy as hell. This is how we keep the connections alive on our own time which is why I love FB. 
  17. DO like/comment/share this post! =)

Friday, January 15, 2016

12 Ways to Raise Your Self-Awareness in 2016

Hello 2016! I know, I know we're 15 days in already, but it's my first post of the year! I've been missing from the writing scene for a while. I'm so excited for the present moment and for the future. The future seems boundless and infinite right now as I am and for a while it was a scary thing for me as my big 30th birthday was approaching last month. It's as though something awful and noticeable was about to take place but in actuality I woke up the next day after being dreadfully miserable, with a lighter feeling. It's like I expected to suddenly look different. I'm still a baby lol, I can just feel it. So for the last 2 months I've been in this "YOLO" mentality. I enjoyed this past December soooo much. I said fuck it and got my first tattoo after a night out with my husband at a hookah lounge. I went out to dinner and clubbing with one of my best friends, Christmas wasn't as I planned but having a New Year's Eve party made up for it. I've been struggling with a wide variety of emotions, but as they come up I deal with them. That's a critical part of self-care. To know what's wrong and try to fix it. A lot of what's wrong with most of us is inside. It's the stuff people can't see, the damaged pieces of us that are being held together by strings of hope, joy, relationships, happiness, love, excitement, basically the anticipation of good things and positive vibes, coming to fruition.

For 2016 I have a lot going on with my brother getting married in April, and then my best friend in Sept. In between that I would like to enjoy my family and friends. This year's bucket-list isn't as big as previous years but it's a progressive type of list. I'd definitely like to do all the things I didn't finish in my other goals list, but this time I'd like to focus more solely on quality over quantity. Last year I felt more strained trying to do so much that I stretched myself out too thin. Aside from losing 10-15 lbs. I want to be in control of how I feel. I want to constantly be in tuned to what's good and what isn't. I just wanna become so much stronger than the power of my flaws.  As my favorite psychologist Dr. Phil says: "You can't change what you don't acknowledge!" We acknowledge by raising our self-awareness.

I love Gary Vaynerchuk! He keeps it real.
So what's the point of all this self-awareness? Well I read a bunch of articles this past week and in the middle of a conversation with someone my brain started connecting the dots. Like it was crazy how I linked up all this information all to ONE video on long- term health and happiness. Isn't that the point in life? Happiness? What makes us happy? Part of me felt conflicted because while relationships make me happy, to a degree they causes a lot of my anguish, and that's life. Life is a series of conflicts that we either decide ignore or we resolve. Those are the experiences that will shape who we are and who we become. Everyone will disappoint you at some point in life, because it's human nature to tie our expectations to others and hold people higher than ourselves. We do this when we prioritize others over ourselves, when we compare our self to others, when people try to compete or keep up with the Jones, when we don't confront situations that are bad for us. When we ignore our intuition, when we try to make everyone else happy, and when we forget what really matters during the pursuit of wealth, power, fame, success, even beauty; when we are too attached*.

Personally, I'd like to have a balance, I like to be alone and I give up easily when I get tired of people and their bullshit. At the same time I have very strong attachments to my husband, my brother, and a few friends. Last year I had a very hard time with change, but during those changes I learned a lot about myself and the direction I'm headed. I'm certain that I will continue to have trouble with change, but again, I need to acknowledge, stay self-aware and keep growing. Self awareness is the key to becoming your best self, and the lack of it spills over into your spirit, the relationships we have with our loved ones, into our success, into our children as resilient as they are said to be, our parenting, their future, and the future of the world.  To become self-aware you must:
  1. Address what you're feeling and ask yourself why. 
  2. Come up with a solution, don't leave yourself hanging. Monitor if the solution works. Do you feel better now?  
  3. Treat yourself but don't do so excessively. 
  4. Live. Like literally go out and do whatever you want to do. (Stay within the laws though, lol) 
  5. Take a day for yourself. Time alone is invaluable. People don't have enough time to themselves because they're always on the go and there's too many distractions to be alone with their thoughts.
  6. Monitor how you feel around certain people. "Not every person in your garden is a flower." 
  7. Assert yourself. Stand up for yourself. 
  8. Monitor your own behavior. Be kind, I can't stress this enough. A lot of the damaged parts of us came from people not being kind. What you don't like for yourself don't do to someone else.
  9. Keep a journal. Talk to others, express yourself. 
  10. Don't get caught up in people pleasing. 
  11. Expect nothing. Learn about non-attachment. 
  12. Know that some disappointments are half your fault, because you had a poor expectations and make adjustments in your priorities. 
Save this Photo! Put it on Your Fridge! 
What Makes A Good Life from the Longest Study on Happiness:

Awesome Reads: 

*Why Non-attachment is one of the Keys to a Happy Life & Relationship.

A Poem that removes all Uncertainty & Anxiety from my Life.

Science Has Figured Out The Best Age To Start Giving Your Kids Chores

7 Signs You Grew Up With A Toxic Parent & Didn't Know It

18 Reasons Your 30s Will Actually Be A Lot More Awesome Than Your 20s

Leaving the Martyr Mommy Behind