Tuesday, May 24, 2016

How Are You Wasting Time?

I saw this on Facebook a few weeks ago and it really made me think. I spend a majority of my time wasted. I waste it overthinking, overindulging, overcompensating, overworking, oversleeping, over-socializing, over-isolating, and mostly over-planning. Quality over quantity has a always been my mantra but there is no balance. The more I seek it, the harder it is for me to find. I self destruct at every turn even though I know that time is the most valuable thing. I think time is the most important thing to me because there's no telling when the clock will run out; basically when happy hour will be over. When things are too good to be true, you feel anxious all the time, because you're worried that it might all fall apart. Or that it's in your power to keep it all together. Logically you know it's not but sometimes you want something so bad you lose objectivity. Most people think once they get/find {x,y,z} they'll be happy, but nobody talks about how you lose objectivity so bad when you finally get to that satisfied feeling in life, that this also still happens:
In the last three months, I worked hard towards my goals. Goals are the only thing that keep me in line. I finished off five major home projects, and my brother's wedding was successfully and beautifully accommodated for. I went to see Beyonce's concert and it was a phenomenal experience. I enjoyed my family and friends on a level that I haven't in over ten years. For the first time in over a year I feel like I am living. I've just been saying "Yes" to a whole range of things I wouldn't have before. Granted I have re-gained 5 lbs but I've been enjoying myself. Watching TV, hanging out, BBQing, napping, eating, listening to music, dancing, sitting outside, playing with the kids, making time to meet a friend, neglecting the housework, and spending time with my husband feels good. In these moments when I was fully in relax mode, I realized what I truly want next. I won't share before I jinx it by just talking about it but I am happy to say that I came a long way, and only hoping for much more added value with the time we have left.

Prior to this year I spent a long time saying "No", because that was necessary to get to this point where I know what I'm capable of and know exactly what I want in life. Exactly one year ago I was going through such a tough time, just being scared of how things would change with my husband's work, questioning if I had accomplished all I had set out to do before I turned 30 and ultimately deciding what would and should be next after the wedding was over. I look back and can't believe a year has passed since that rocky phase. Like life, things, people, money, memories, emotions, fears, goals, needs/desires are coming and going. I don't want to waste any more time worrying and overthinking. The things I want to do will always be there, but the time I wasted questioning what I'll do next makes me realize how much I really missed out on, how much fear I had and still have inside me and that I am enough, that it's okay to take a break from "the plan"; even to take a detour.  That's how you be a positive person. You go out there and live even when you're scared of what may happen. You follow your heart when it says Yes, even if your brain says No... This passage about the world is everything, it's all we need to know when thinking about how we waste time: