Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Two Types of Love; Don't Let Go of the Magic!

 I was talking to this young girl a few weeks ago and she mentioned something about marriage plans and at that point I realized there's two kinds of romantic love. Later that night I saw someone else in a relationship just engulfed in their significant other. It was all in their eyes. The eyes are the window to the soul as they say, but I saw for myself that day the truth in that saying. Two types of love right in front of me both in the beginning stages less than 2 years.  The first kind is the head over heels, tumultuous, engrossing type that seizes your life, sets you on fire, crazy in love as Beyonce puts it, and it's the greatest love of your life, it's the love you feel like you might die without. It's the love that you know you'll never have again. The passion is like a  boiling pot overflowing on the stove, The second is a slow simmering, mutual soft adoration. It's not compelling like an addiction, its more like the comfortable spot on the sofa, it feels safe, it feels replaceable, it feels like you'll be okay if you don't see this person tomorrow. It doesn't suffocate your heart when you miss this person. This love doesn't take over your whole life by storm, it just grows quietly and steadily never quite reaching that peak as you'd see on a graph. That's why people always refer to "the one that got away". The likelihood of finding that kind of love again is slim.

Two weeks ago was our 8th wedding anniversary and while it wasn't spent celebrating in any extravagant way, it was exactly what we both needed. We met for lunch at our Thai spot, he went back to work and the kids and  I came home to prepare dinner. He came home with flowers and a cake and we spent the night watching a movie together. It was a very happy and grateful anniversary to me even though it was spent in the simplest way because I was in very sad mood after seeing some disturbing news about someone we knew. All the recent news has been on my mind and heart, the world is in chaos. We both acknowledge that life is short and live in gratitude for all we have. All that bad news just keeps us in a deep appreciation for each other that we strive to spend every chance we get being together, talking, laughing, tagging each other on things or sending each other memes, watching shows and basically celebrating our life together daily. In the last 3 weeks, time stood still. We played with our kids, went to the pool, danced at a party, gardened, sat outside watching the girls ride their bikes, watched our show, made love into the wee hours of the night, and woke up late enjoying the kids' newfound independence. The activities are the same but there's something new this year I can't put my finger on it. I haven't written on love in a while since I spoke about the white picket when things were tense from him overworking and my patience was wearing thin. We've always been "in" love and the best of friends but the downs don't extinguish that fire for us, it just intensifies it and after reaching what I would call a turning point last year I would say it feels like the next level almost like a second wave of falling in love.

At first I thought it was our brand new goals but it became apparent with random silent stares, eyes meeting across a room full of people communicating the same thoughts, a tenderness... I don't know how to quite explain it, this energy is different that I know for sure. We could argue fiercely and 5 mins later we're over it and back to  having our heads in the clouds. 

He's been quite burnt out from working a lot and I've been doing my best to be understanding, this time it's different it's like I'm seeing him with new eyes. I give him his space to work and to rest, I take care of whatever he needs. I take consideration not to overbook us, so we can spend the time doing the simple things that we love to do. He acknowledges what I do, and tries to help around the house however he can. We finally reached a place of balance I guess as all relationships evolve into roles of who does what and when. Sometimes I like to surprise him and take something upon myself to do it very well. Quite a few times I didn't do it well, but its the thought and effort that counts. 

So when you find that one, don't let them go. How do you know this person is the one? You know when being in love isn't a chore, it will just come naturally and consistently with you both.  You will laugh more than you cry, you will become symbiotic friends; like the hippo and the little bird that eats off it's back. It doesn't mean you won't ever want to call it quits at any point, but that when those hard times come, you will cling to one another, and find a way through those obstacles. You both will be each other's safe haven. Not only will there always be passion and electricity, but there will always be hope, and a childish blind faith that all you need is love. That's the love that will sustain you for the rest of your life.
Be self aware enough to keep
this in mind. I think this is important to know
what's important to him.

The summer has been jam packed with activities, and indulgences, learning,  growing, nurturing, and some new steadfast goals. I have some recipes to share that I will try to get up soon. I know I haven't been putting this blog at the top of my priorities this year, but to be honest, being in the moment is sometimes more important than the daily checklist. So before I head off to New York for one of my best friends bridal shower this weekend... I leave you with this: Don't be stupid, don't let go of what might be the most incredible thing that's ever or will ever happen to you.